92

I failed in my storytelling. I failed because I put too much emphasis on myself in the story of my life. I have spent so much time telling about my newborn, my husband and his drug abuse and my dying mother that I failed to tell of what happened to Anna. As I take my shower and get ready for work...I cannot stop thinking of her...a friend of mine from junior high. She was beautiful and she had a story. I am sure...well I can hope at least, that someone else is telling her story. But for now...I shall tell what I knew and know of her. She was special and I have mentioned her once, maybe twice in the story of my life...but, I did not give her justice considering the weight of what happened to her.

Her name was Anna (maybe a reason why I use the name Anna in so many of my blogs and as my other alias. I guess it could have been a subconcious effort to redeem her.) But her name was Anna and she had a sister who was only a little older than she was and her sister's name was Alanna. They were both redheads with freckles all over them. Their mother was a redhead and their father was irritating...haha, that is just the facts. But I loved their whole family and loved the connection that they all had with each other. They lived about 5 miles from me when we all were in junior high. Across from them lived their aunt and uncle and two cousins. When I first met Anna, I was going to bible school at Hamilton Church in Ashland Ms. When I saw her and her wonderful curly red hair and freckles, I giggled and called her an apple. I don't know why, but that is what came into my mind when I saw her. Yes, my hair was red as well but it was long and wavy and just wasnt as brightly red as Annas. My freckles were sparse...being only across my nose and on my chest and shoulders. Anna was covered in them. I always liked to play connect the dots on her shoulders and make her mad.
I spent lots of time there...with Anna and her sister and we had many experiences. I remember picking cabbage in her parents huge garden because her father made me help. Of course I hated that and just wanted to hang out with Anna. Her father was very intelligent and would talk about all these interesting things but he would always make it seem like picking cabbage would lead to some magnificent way of knowledge. I would listen for a while and then my mind would wander. Me and Anna would exchange funny looks with each other and laugh. I remember the day that me and Anna decided to go on a "safari" through her back yard and on through the feilds behind it...then we would travel the woods on over to Casey's house (a friend who rode our bus.) We carried flash lights and snacks and began our journey. No one knew where we were going and I think we got in trouble when we returned. I just remember getting really dirty and laughing so hard. That may have been the night that we decided to shave all our hair off our bodies for the first time. I was scared but Anna showed me how it was done. She shaved me and I shaved her. Then she would bite her toe nails off and I thought that was funny. She was very flexible and cute.

I remember when her grandmother had to move into her house and I came to visit again. We went into her sister's room to hang out because her grandmother was staying her room. We got all of Alanna's markers and drew all over our bodies. Then we used Noxema to get the writing off...I thought it was magnificent as I lay there and let her draw all over me. I think it was the first time that I learned what a wonderful feeling it was to be written on.

I grew to really love Anna and remember when she made another friend. I got so jealous that I told Anna that her other friend was gay so that maybe it would make her scared to be the other girl's friend. I was just so scared of losing Anna as my friend.

As we grew older and entered junior high, Anna spent more time at my house and we played silly games with each other. Many times we would pretend to be man and wife and we would kiss while we lay in bed. We talked about all the boys we liked and we would just sit and hold each other until we passed out.  Anna told me that her aunt was bi polar and that she would sometimes just walk away and walk for many miles down the road when no one knew where she was. Anna said her aunt would space out at times and talk to things that weren't there. When Anna talked about these things, I would grow nervous and remember death...I would think of the silly thing inside me and I would change the subject with her. I never told her about those things....ever.

I also remember the slumber parties that we had and how we would listen to the Go Gos. Me, Anna and several other girls from the school would shoot hoops outside and then watch horror movies. I just got this fond memory just now...I just visualized when I would pick Anna up into my arms and carry her around. See, she was a tiny thing...so small that I could just carry her like a baby. I miss Anna. I remember her small hands covered in freckles and her chipped off nail polish. I just remember odd things about her.

Anna wanted to wear glasses so bad that she would put mine on and pretend that they were hers. One day the doctor said her eyes needed correcting and then she got her own glasses. She was so very happy then. When we entered high school, Anna got a boyfriend and his name was David. She didn't really know everythign about him but David was hooked on drugs. Many of us knew it but Anna just wouldn't listen. When we all graduated...Anna married David and they moved away...up north.
And that is her story....of the past but the part that is hard to tell is this...

While I was pregnant with Damian...sometime in the year of 1996, I got a phone call from Donna, another friend of mine from school. She told me a story too and I listened intently.

Anna and David were living in Virginia and David was in the military. One night on military leave, David was hanging out with some friends at a bar. Apparently, David was visiting prostitutes as well. David was supposed to be off the drugs but he wasn't and so he was hanging with some bad civilians as well. Anna calls David's phone to see why he hasn't made it home yet and some guy answers. This guy tells her that her husband is passed out and that he needs to know the directions to their home so that he can bring David home. By this time, David and Anna have a baby and the baby is asleep in his bed.  So Anna gives directions to the home and hangs up the phone.

I never thought about the world being this cruel. I never seen violence as something that was real to me or my own...but it is. When Anna opened that door, she was attacked. This guy whom she had talked to moments before pushed her into her home, choked her almost to the point of death and then drowned her in the bath tub finishing the job. Her little baby cried the whole time that Anna was being murdered.

I miss Anna.

Sometimes, I go to visit her mom but she will never be the same. They have a monument for Anna in the front yard as well. Her sister is well and she has a beautiful daughter. Her daughter looks just like Anna.

I miss Anna...and I will never forget her.