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1999

Fall

When Venum and I returned from my aunts...the day he came to bring me back home after the really bad fight...we had a strange talk. Venum told me that if he had to go to prison for assualting me, he would definitley not want to ever see me again. I thought this was kind of funny in a way since he would be in prison anywho. He was angry at me because he had talked to a lawyer about what might happen to him for what he did. The lawyer told him that he would be facing jail time and that he would probably not be able to have a weapon for some time. When Venum was with me ....everyday until court day, he gave me a guilt trip for what he may be facing. Venum and I went to visit his family in Booneville and they were all so very angry at me. They told me that the cops should not have been called and that I should have just wrapped a rag around my wrist and not let anyone know what had happened. They pretty much blamed me for the trouble that their poor Venum was in. I had to listen to their lectures the whole time I was there and then go home thinking that everything was my fault. YOu may read this and you may say to yourself..."well, fuck that, I wouldn't let them make me feel bad." But manipulation is suttle...I am telling you...manipulation looks like concern and advice at firth then little by little it slips in regret and guilt...then after a while,  a completely guilty man can make you feel as though he was the one who was wronged by you. I see that now...I do. But for years before this incident and for a while to come, I was victim to some very sly and calculated thinking and coercing....trust me, do not judge what you would do until you have experienced the very same. It doesn't happen all at once.

Venum went to trial for aggravated assault in the fall of 1999. The court ordered that he would not carry a weapon. He was told that if he commited the crime again, he would be facing 15 years in prison.


1999

Halloween

I dressed up as a Vampire and dressed Damian up as a bug. We were getting ready to go trick or treating in the local neighborhood at the end of highway 30E. There seemed to be lots of children milling around that neighborhood when we drove by earlier. I tried to get Venum to dress up but he wouldn't he was ill because he was not high...to be honest. I was kind of irritated too because there was no weed to smoke. I was still quite addicted to weed at the time. I was smoking it everyday since I had quit the Mormon church after momma's death. But tonight everyone was dead sober.

I asked Venum to take a picture of me with my costume on and he reluctantly took the camera. Then for no reason he started talking about how angry he felt. He put the camera down and started to talk about how unfair it was that he couldnt carry a weapon. He went on and one trying to start an argument...I could feel it. Then he said that if it wasn't for me, he would be able to do so much more. His face grew angrier and angrier. Then I asked him a question.

"So, you wish you had never met me?"

Venum said yes, he wished he had never met me.

I dropped my head then raised it again with tears in my eyes. "But then Damian would not be here."

Venum shook his head and looked me in the eye. "Well, I guess that would be better too. I wish he had never been born."

I started to bawl out loud because that statement hurt so bad. It hurt so much worse than anything that he could have ever said about me. I looked back up at him with tear stained eyes, runny make up and scowling ugly face.

"say cheese" Venum lifted the camera and took a picture of me then dropped the camera into my lap and went back into the house.


1999

Winter

Damian was three years old now and my mother had been gone for months. Daddy was rapidly losing weight and never seemed the same since momma passed. My aunt would come and help me with Damian any chance that she got because she was simply my second mother....she had always been there for me. My brother came to visit when he knew that things had settled down a little from the really bad incident from before. Things weren't that much better but I tried to put on a face for my family. Damian was chattering a little and learning to do so many different things. We were starting to notice that he seemed to be extrememly intelligent and he would do things that most children this age did not know to do. Everyone at the daycare would brag on how smart he was and how funny he was at such a young age. He even got really attached to a little girl at daycare and one day they caught them kissing in the back room...yet they were only three. Of course they got onto them but it was kind of hard not to laugh. The picture that they painted for me of the whole scene made me smile. Apparently, Damian was lying down on the floor and the litle girl was sitting on top of him leaning over giving him little kisses. Damian's hands were behind his head. What a strange idea to imagine that sort of thing from a toddler...but it was so. My thoughts wandered to our very disfunctional family and I wondered if those things like that were our fault...teaching the wrong morals and actions...well, of course it was...but it was as it was and nothing could change the past.


2000

Venum's drug habit worsened horribly. My work had slowed down and we were getting Fridays off. I would go home on Friday or on Thursday at lunch to see Venum and some friend of his coming out of the back room. Usually they would be rubbing their noses and coughing...but they would definitely be geeking. Geeking was a form of being high when you were doing Crack cocaine or heroine(brown). I would try to question Venum but he would be trying to get back to work from his lunch break so I really didn't have much chance.

The bills were piling up and we were behind about 3 months on our house payment. I was working and trying to pay bills but I was generally not getting much help from my husband. He never had any money because he was using the drugs that he bought instead of selling them. One day, I had to take a razor blade away from Damian that had cocaine on the edge. I confronted Venum about it but he denied the fact of what I had found. He said that there was no cocaine on the blade and that I was over reacting. I noticed that Damian had already put the blade in his mouth and there was cocaine residue on his lips. I grabbed him up and washed his mouth out. He screamed as I invaded his mouth with my fingers but I was furious and I had to get all the drugs from my child.


2000

The Pets

We now had at least five snakes , I believe. I at least remember that we had firecracker, a boa constrictor named Viper and a couple pythons. I believe Sassy had already died by this time after she had given birth to a dead baby. Venum decided that it would be best to breed his own rats and mice so that feeding the snakes would be cheaper. He brought home a large drink cooler from Masterbuilt...oh, it was the size of a couch and deep as a freezer, I guess...and he put the cooler in the back storage room made onto the carport. He had a smaller cooler for mice and several...I mean, very many small aquariums for mice and rats as well. We ended up having hundreds of rats and mice in our back room which was attached to the house. We no longer had roaches because we had gotten rid of them shortly after the move but now, we had mice and rats just in the back room. Sometimes, when the coolers had small holes or when the rats would eat through the insulation, we would have rats running in our house. It was horrible....considering that I am extremely creeped out by rats. I remember waking up to a rat on top of me and screaming my head off. It was horrifying. We had snakes and Chinchillas as well and we had went through a couple of dogs by this time too. There was Peanut, whom was killed by the neighbors, Runt who was killed by a car, Pepper who was also killed by a car and several cats who lost their life in the same manner. The dog that we currently had was named Prince. Prince was a good dog...a damned good dog and we tried
keeping him inside and out but we worried constantly that he would be killed as well. I remember when we tried training Prince to stay in the house and he would poop in one of the rooms. One day, I was at work and Venum called me. He told me to get home quick or he was going to kill Prince. I rushed home after work to see Venum having a stand off with Prince by the front porch. Prince was growling with blood coming out of his mouth and Venum was holding another sword...considering his other sword had been confiscated by the police.

Several other times, he had fought our dog, thrusting his sword into Prince's mouth. I would scream and try to stop him but I kept remembering how he had cut me with the other sword. I loved my dog and I didn't want Venum to kill him.


2000

Rehab

One night, I decided to drink with Venum while my aunt had Damian. I wanted to feel near him, connect or just...something. We started to drink and we ran out of liquir. We were both so stupid that Venum went back for more to drink. Time passed by and I didn't hear from him..then I get a phone call from Venum.

"Hey, I need you to come pick me up." Venum said with a funny tone.

"why, where are you?"

"I had an accident. But I am getting some more to drink right now. I just need you to come pick me up at the liquir store."

I couldn't believe my ears. Venum had been in an accident and yet he walked to the liquir store and managed to buy some more drinks.

I refused to pick him up and asked him what happened.
He told me that he had been driving and that he had an accident. He was still too drunk to relay the information correctly. I talked him into going back to the car and call the police. He did it reluctantly because he was yet too intoxicated to do anything else.

I found out at the police station that Venum had crossed the median, hit a woman and her daughter making them spin completely around in their car and then he ran off the road onto a railroad track several feet off an overpass. He got out of the car and went to buy some more liquir.

Venum faced hit and run charges, drunk driving and lord knows what else.

We started to talk about drug and alcohol rehab.