111

You cannot start at the beginning and be honest about the hell you frolicked in. You cannot begin from the start without losing some part of the story. But of course, we will always lose some part of our story...but we can try to take little bits in hopes that we consume the whole shit pie.

3/16/02




It's amazing how tranquility is found within the noise. Pure silence can be quite distracting. The mind has many ways of causing distractions inside where there are none on the outside. So when the noises are loud and continuous, there is a curious feeling of numbness. In this numbness, there is peace--pure and untainted. I think the mind tries so hard to overcome the loud outter distractions that it actually gets too pre-occupied with the task. A certain part of the senses become dazed but eerily very alert. You fade into nothingness by trying to bury your senses.



3/26/02



It seems so obvious sometimes when you think you are very intelligent and in all actuality, you are ignorant to most things in existence. It is amazing how ou now at certain moments of your life that you really don't know that much at all. For instance, what exactly is the process of thinking? Of course, it is explained away as synapses of the brain and such like that, right? Hey, synapses just sounded like the right word. See how intelligent I tried to be by guessing and making words seem pretty and useful.



Why do we make so many decisions when in the end the road always runs right into all the others? What difference does it make, anyway? Every life is a sickness and a disease. No matter what cures the people, we will all die. This is surely a certainty, to die. Or is knowledge the awareness of our uninvitable deaths and how we must divert ourselves from this 'problem'. If there are solutions, then maybe there is one for this as well.



3/26/02--Nightfall



Tomorrow night is the full moon. I have prepared conjure for my son to perform when the sun goes down. He really loves these things it seems. His curiosity with certain things is so adorable to me. His big brown eyes twinkle at the thought of his wishes coming true. This is the special thing about magic. It seems to take on a whole new life when spoken through the lips of a 5 year old. Damian, master of his own destiny, little warlock ready to take on the whole world with one word. Many meanings and yet all one and the same. And the meaning is yours, I tell him. You -the power.