95

1997

Our new home was coming together slowly but surely. We had an entry room, living room, two bedrooms, one bath and a kitchen. Out back, there was a storage room attached to a back carport. The animals went into the entryroom, including firecracker which for whom we fixed the glass on his cage. Damian's room was adjacent to the living room as was our bedroom. I was very happy with the new home and I stayed at home for a while after we arrived before looking for a job. The first week that we were working on the house, painting and such, Venum invited Michael (the dumbass with the bright red fuzzy rat tail) and his wife (Melissa) over to help paint the interior of the house. They brought their two daughters with them and the little girls ransacked the house while we tried to work. Damian laughed and laughed at them as they ran round and made a mess. I found the woman to be about as smart as her dumbass husband but I appreciate her help.

Days after the move, I finally felt comfortable with the new home. I loved the front porch swing and the concrete porch where I could sit and sun in peace. EVerything seemed so much better here and Damian seemed to love it. I would take him out on the porch and he would stretch out his little toes and giggle.

I had no idea what was in store for us.


Late Summer

1997

I had a plan and it seemed like a good one at the time...oh hell, it was a good plan and it worked. One day while painting Damian's room, I decided to do something to bring my family together. I missed my mom so bad but I was so busy planning things for the new home. I missed daddy too and I wanted him here to help me with his grandson's room. I decided to ask him to come help me paint and I knew that Venum would come home for lunch at noon that same day that I planned to have daddy come help me.

Daddy did come help and he painted quite a bit of Damian's room. Around 12, daddy went out back to teh well to wash out the paintbrushes when Venum and Michael (the boy with the bushy red rattail) pulled up in the back yard. I heard them pull in and my heart beat raced with anticipation. I ran to the back door and watched with wide eyes. You see, my father had not yet met my husband because he did not believe in inter racial relationships. Well, that day, things changed for us in a monumental way. As my husband climbed from Michael's truck, my father stopped what he was doing and looked up. I watched closely as the scene unfolded. I was quite happy when Venum approached my father, smiled and held out his hand. My father took both paintbrushes in one hand and took my husbands hand in his. My father smiled and my heart lept for joy. There was hope.


Fall

1997

I tried to work for Manpower again and only seemed to get a short assignment here and there holding onto nothing for very long. I finally got a phone call from my sister which was very odd. She told me about her job and Landau Uniforms and so I grew curious about it. I asked her how easy it was to get a job there and she told me that she would help me get on. She said that If i came to work there, we could see each other more often and that would be nice. I decided to put in an application at Landau and so I went up to the plant that week. When they found out that my sister was one of their employees, they hired me. Apparently, she was in very good standing with them and they needed more help. Landau was a sewing factory that made hospital scrubs. All that as required of me was to join in on the learning curve until I could keep up with production. The rules were quite lenient until you got the hang of it. I jumped right in and tried to do my best. Within two weeks, I was making production easily, had benefits and worked a day time shift. There was no dress code and we could all listen to headphones during work which made the day go by so much quicker. Things were looking up for me and my family. I remember going home happy so many nights when I started my job. I was so proud of myself for making a normal go at life. There was no dark thing which giggled the night away to get me into trouble. I was just ordinary Sherrie and at the time, I was okay with that.


Fall

1997

Damian turned a year old on October 31...Halloween. Around this time, we all had family pictures taken and they were very nice I started to discover things about my little family...especially about mine and Venum's relationship. I noticed that things would go very well for weeks on end and then after the storm seemed completely gone, Venum would start to act strangely and start unnecessary arguments. Strange people would start to come up into the driveway and honk their horns for Venum to come outside. They would never knock on the door to make themselves known. After time went by, our home began to closely resemble what went on at Chez place. There were so many different people who came to my home that I lost count of them. I tried to join in on the conversations with them or when they would hang out in the back by the carport; but I had to be a mother too and so I would go back inside and wonder what was going on around my house. Venum's drinking got heavier and heavier again and his temper started to flare again. I asked him to spend more time with Damian and me but he always seemed to have to leave at odd times during the night and he started getting home from work again really late. Things started a downward slope again and so I held on tightly for the next wild ride.


Winter

1997/1998

Venum had taken various Karate classes when he was younger and so he wanted to teach me things that he knew. Of course, you never really want to teach your students everything because it is dangerous. I tried to be brave with Venum and I asked him to teach me more and more of what he knew. Even when he was drunk, I bravely approached him and asked him to teach me something new. I realized that when he was drunk, he would be more likely to teach me things that he held sacred. When a person is drunk, they do not lie...they speak of what they think inside that they have tried to hide..and so I got things that I thought I needed from him. Then, I would shy away out of fear because he was never really pleasant to be around when drinking and I could only take so much of the verbal and physical abuse. Most of the time, the physical abuse was only pushing and roughly moving me out of the way. Occasionally, there was throwing objects and such...but I could handle it most of the time.

I would learn and then I would go read the bible a little bit while playing with Damian. I would cook but sometimes Venum would not eat and I would have to throw the food away. I would get sick when he would not come home. I would worry and I would sometimes put Damian in his baby bed and cry while he cried for me. I wondered how long this phase would last and if it would end at all.


1998

Venum decided to take Akido and Shenkindo (Japanese Sword Fighting) classes in Tupelo after work. I kind of hated it because I wanted to spend time with my husband. He would be gone at least three times a week at night with his classes. Basically, Venum did what he wanted and so it was pointless for me to say anything. He started the classes immediately and I started watching Crime scene investigation and such shows as that. Sometimes I would scare myself silly while he was gone and would call him for comfort. MOst of the time, I never got an answer from Venum. So I would pray to God to be with me when I was afraid. I refused to bring that thing back which used to protect me from the hell of the world. I refused refused refused.....and then I would cry.

Some days...but not many, Venum would let us go with him and watch his classes. It was rare but I felt wanted and enjoyed when he did this. Damian would get irritable though and cry to go home. One night....oh hell, on several nights...maybe weekends when we went to Tupelo, we would smoke pot with Damian in the back seat. It was a horrible thing to do to a small child but we did it. Damian would sit in the back seat and get a contact high from our weed smoking. Sometimes, I wish I had stayed at home and read my bible...at least I would not be dragging my child through the hell that his father was in.

The wonderful feeling of having a new home was wearing away quickly. I found myself trapped in the same downward spiral that I had been traveling before in the different places that we had lived. I guess the hope was not quite gone and the chance to make things better was always there. I wanted my family to be happy. I wanted so many things for us and I prayed for it almost nightly. My prayer was that if God could give me happiness with Venum, I wanted it. I wanted my family together and I did not want to give up.

Could I really do this?