119

Welcoming the beasts and driving the blackened vehicle.


1/11/03




Peace comes with the long slow breaths. When the whole being is in turmoil, focus prepares the mind to take over completely. Sometimes one part of the mind wrestles with the other part of the mind. As cold s the wind blows, the distraction cannot penetrate the warmth. As chills pass along the body, a calm and very strong sensation of comfort steals the conciousness. You leave yourself behind and move to a faded reality, as it appears to your human eyes. A reality that is inside and clear as the sleeping dream. My dreams are as real to me as when I awaken.



1/27/03



Be with me, quiet solitude. The storm has come and gone but I feel uneasy still. There is a loud persistent scratching at the door...then a loud pounding. She has something to say to me, but I wont let her in.



The tired and terrible struggle irritates her and makes her confused. Every noise makes me jump irratically. I have too many problems that is obvious. Too many demons, too many monkeys on my back. A storm of them even when the storm is gone. She hears them, she is quiet again.



2/21/03



The air is still cool but I feel my spirit animal trying to bask in the sunshine. I am wounded, and very tired. Life is still continually getting more confusing to me. The wraith doesn't seem to give up. IT hoovers over me, staring, making me feel sick. It carries with it the winter and darkness fills each confident lie. More wraiths have joined this one. They are very different. All that I know is that they are desperate ad they are draining my spirit animal.



3/7/03



Days are warmer now and I have been waiting on her to respond to my questions. I don't even know her, but I feel her presence inside me. She is lost and the walls between us have grown much too thick. No one answers or will speak to me. Am I not worth of their communication.



Time flies by so fast with memories lost forever and tomarrow becomes today. All is gone in secrecy and shame. But she still exists to me and I will know what happened to her. What became of her blood? I heard it call to me.



She knows that spirit

knows when it bekons her

she cannot let it hurt anyone

the knight is strong

full armor and sword

evil spirits will not destroy

the spirit makes her cry

she wished the spirit would die

it hates her

it longs to use her

to destroy, to devour

especially the strong



3/8/03



I am pregnant. I feel it inside,a boy.



neither spirit

nor bird

it was my flute you heard.