A little shove, a push.....teetering...flailing....there it is...right there...just over the edge....falling...falling...gently and inevitably falling into that which shall become...leaving the last rest stop.
There are no more chances to repent...The demons are screaming
12/30/02
the holidays are over and the land is still frozen. I seem to hybernate, my mind seems to be pulled toward darkness and bleakness. The ever long and laborious days of the deep cold are draining.
I have a car now. During the three weeks that i was out of school for christmas, my car was fixed. This lifted my spirts a little. No I can get to school on my own next semester.
Spiritualism has been dormant the last couple of months. I must search for the vision again. I had advanced so far before.
1/1/03
A new year. a thoughtful inspiring motivational turn of history and present. Now, more than ever, I can feel powerful surges of life and death span and engulf the earth. No one must stop this progression in me. A progression to madness maybe, but something that must be. The withering wraith waits and watches for spiritwalker to fumble, fail or give in to the darkness. I will not submit to its evil beckonings. Once it was a medicine man, now it is a weak struggling baffoon. A new year...what struggles will tear me apart. How much strength will it take to destroy the wrait-that ghost, that phantom?
1/6/03
So now it starts...the fear, so bright it hurts my soul. This monster which cowers deep down inside seems to be eating away at my entire being. Not much exists that keeps me from losing myself to the thing that hates other power. Is this what it means to find nothing and have nothing taken away?
There, I hear him calling me. He is trying to divert my attention to something else. Some silly mundane thought, he tries to distract me with. Then, again, he is silent. Birds, what is it about them that makes me nervous? Maybe time will tell me the answer.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her smile at me. spirit...
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