99

1999

The couple...the guy with the bushy red rat tail and the blonde lived between New Albany and Tupelo now and Venum would go by their house when he went to his martial arts classes. He became really good friends with them. After a while, he would go to their house when the man (Michael) wasn't there. I would call him at times and he was there and he would mostly say that they both were there. After a while, he would say that Melissa was there and he husband was not at home. He said that he would go by there and take a shower before class. That was on the days when he did not shower at home before leaving. I started to wonder things about Venum and Melissa. Just occasionally, I would wonder if something was going on. I asked Venum if I could go with him to class some times for both reasons...to watch him because I was curious about fighting and to see if there seemed to be anything between him and Melissa. Most of the time, when I went, he wouldn't even go by their house. Some times he would take me and Damian to their house to visit and to hang out. Melissa would cook and Venum and Michael would get drunk. Some times, Venum was drunk before we even got to their house. Venum drank every day so it was just a question of what time he would be drunk. Michael bought a speed bike and one day he was speeding and the cops got behind him. He ran from the cops and gave them chase all over New Albany. I remember that we were at their house (trailer) and we were waiting to see if Michael got caught. He ended up getting trapped on one side of town by at least 5 cops. At other times, me and Damian were dragged to Tupelo to do drinking with them, play pool or other things. I noticed that Venum and Melissa were growing quite close and I questioned her one day about the situation. She laughed at me and said that he was not her type at all. This seemed to satisfy my curiosity for the time being but in the back of my mind, there was always that question.


Summer

1999

Venum borrowed my car one night to go to class. I remember that his car was missing a bumper and it was really loud. I think he just wanted something nicer to drive to class. I asked him to please not be drinking inside my car. He said that he would not drink and that he would be back home soon.
I watched television that night while playing with Damian and tried not to worry too much. It grew late and Venum did not return. Around 9 or so, Venum called me on the phone. He sounded really upset and he said he had good news and bad news. He said that my car had caught on fire but the good news was that he was alive. I freaked out and asked him if he was joking and he said that he was not. I asked him what he did to me car and he said nothing. He asked me to come pick him up before the police got there. I told him that he needed to wait for the police and tell them what happened. He was not happy about this decision but he agreed. I didn't hear from Venum again for quite some time and so I instinctively called the police stations and hospitals to make sure he was okay. I found him at one of the police stations...locked up for drinking and driving. I was very angry and scared...wanting to know what happened with my car. I got in Venum's half assed loud and broken car and drove to the police station with Damian. I went by to see my car and noticed that they were impounding it. It had burnt from the back-forward. I was astonished and angry. I looked in the front of the car to see a cup sitting in the console. I opened the door and sniffed the cup of half full fluid. It was alcohol. Despite my request, venum had been drinking when this odd thing occured. I slammed the door, got back in his car and went home.

The next day, I bailed Venum out of jail and asked him to stop drinking. I told him to realize what had just happened and he put his head down. He seemed to feel bad at the time and seemed to want to change. We went home and started the rest of our lives. I had it in my mind that he may want to change. I was willing to help him with this problem and forget about what happened. It wasn't so easy to forget when they brought my burned out car home and parked it next to my other broken down car, by the side of the house. Everything that was in the car had to be thrown away because it reeked of something burned. I asked Venum again, what had happened to my car. He said he was just driving and it went up in flames.


Summer

1999

I liked my work and so it was a time to reflect. I would listen to my headphones and wonder why things were so fucked up sometimes. My coworkers were okay, in fact I really enjoyed talking to some of them. There were ladies that were very funny to be around. We would all cut up and make the day pass by faster. I do admit that except for Damian, I did not want to leave work. I never knew what to expect when I went home.


Summer

1999

I started to hurt really bad in my abdomen. I couldn't work out like I wanted to and so I went to the doctor to see what was wrong with me. He said that I had endometriosis. He explained a little of this with me but I never fully understood the problem. He said that there were little cysts that grew in my female organs causing pain randomly. He said it was something that I would have to deal with for the rest of my life.


1999

I met a girl named Tiffany at work. She was very pretty...thin and had jet black hair. I thought she was cool so I brought her home to hang out with me one time. Venum seemed to think she was cool too and so they started to talk about lots of things. I liked Tiffany but like most girls she seemed to like Venum better. I became Venum's wife again to her as I did with most of the people who knew us. I hated the way I was always someone's wife and not a distinct person with a name of my own. I tried to like Tiffany and I even went over to her house to hang out with her. I guess I tried too hard and then just said...oh well, and just hung out and listened to Venum and her talk about things.


Fall

1999

I started to feel sick again...a sickness that I was used to feeling and I was scared of what it was. I started to have the same symptoms of pregnancy and so I panicked. I knew that I should not gain weight because Venum hated it when I was bigger. He loved small and petite girls and this is what I wanted to be. I took an over the counter test and it was positive. I really freaked out and started to cry. While I was at work, I would go in the bathroom and punch myself in the stomach because I did not want to be pregnant and I did not want to get fat. I would hit myself several times and then go back out and work. I made sure that I lifted the heaviest things and bumped into things on purpose. After a couple days, I started to hurt and then suddenly while using the bathroom, I doubled over in pain. I couldn't leave the bathroom because I was bleeding profusely into the toilet. When I was able to stand, I went into the office and told my superviser that I was in extreme pain and that I had to go to the doctor. I called Venum and he took me to the clinic. There, they tested me and got a positive result of pregnancy but when they examined me...they said that I had had a miscarriage.

I never told anyone that I had killed this one too....cuz I did. I just couldn't lose Venum from getting big again. This was my mentality. This is what I thought was expected of me. It was just me...Damian and his father. I knew my parents couldn't save me or my other babies...My mother was dying and she was worse. My father was still bitter and my brotehr had no idea the hell I was going through.
I did a horrible thing that seemed like nothing at the time....nothing and everything that would build this wall that surrounds me now. Just like fucking Pink Floyd....I would become so comfortably numb.


...and the thing would not come to save me....because I had sent her away.