125

2004

Summer

Dorian grew so fast and screamed so loud. His voice was demanding and you could never ignore him. I tried to stay focused on my little ones during my pain. I tried as hard as I could to keep my cool and let God do the work for me. I prayed and prayed over and over. I had brought home summer work to do and I tried to focus on that as well. I got to know the members of the church better and they even decided to go to a Christian camp for women. I agreed to go with them and so I left the boys with their father and joined the women of the church. It was very fullfilling to be there with those ladies in the little cabins in the woods. I found solice being away from problems and solice knowing that I did not have to deal with those things while I was gone. Although, at night...I missed my babies so badly. There was always vast amounts of food at the camp and so we ate very well and then there was devotional every morning. During the day, there were workshops and teachings by different elders of the church.

On the last night of the camp out...we had intense prayer. That is when the pastor's wife attempted to cast that evil spirit from me again. The pastor's wife said that I could not hold eye contact with her and I told her that I didn't know why. She said it was because there was something inside me. I started to pray in my secret language because, honestly, they were scaring me. As I started to pray, the pastor grabbed hold of me and starred into my eyes. She shouted for the 'thing' to stop mimicking God's language and I prayed harded. Several of the ladies grabbed hold of me and put me on the ground. They started praying loudly for the demon to leave me. As they shoved at me and cried, I passed out.

When I awoke, one of the elders, the pretty blonde lady, leaned over me. I could see her pretty green eyes sparkling. she smiled and spoke as she fumbled with the necklace that I was wearing.
"Can I have this?" She asked of the necklace.

I looked at her funny and then looked down at the necklace.. "uh...i guess"

"You see, there is something wrong with this necklace...it's not good. I cannot explain why, but I get bad feelings from this necklace." She smiled.

"Sure, take it."

The necklace was something that a girl from the neighborhood sold to me. This particular girl would be proven in the future to have been one of the women who had slept with my husband.
Sometimes, the ladies of the church really knew what they were talking about. One of the younger ones, took off her own necklace and gave it to me to replace the one that they had taken.


Sometime after 1998 and before 2000...during my time at Landau and after Damian's birth.

A flashback because I forgot to tell this part...

Sometimes, when you tell the story, you forget to tell certain things. Back before Dorian's birth and before I was saved by the grace of God...I was thinking lots about wanting to be with a woman again. I called dating services because Venum said it was okay. He understood my sexuality and at the same time was highly turned on by the fact. The girl I met did not was to have sex in front of my husband and Venum said for me to do it anyway and that he would think about it. So I planned to meet Nita in Memphis. Nita lived in a very upper class area. She was a beautiful black woman with a beautiful personality. We planned that I should park on the street and come on up to her house. I knocked on the door and went inside. Me and Nita talked for a while and then decided to talk in her room upstairs. We didn't talk long until we were both naked and making out. I found out that Nita loved to eat pussy and so I lay there and enjoyed the feeling. When she was done, I returned the favor. Then we both lay there and rested a moment. Then the weirdest thing happened. She jumped up and said her mom was home and then shoved me in the hall bathroom. She told me to get in the shower and be quiet. I think I stayed in that bathroom for hours. Finally, Nita came to get me and it was very late. The next morning, Nita had to leave the room and I was sitting there watching television. Joyce Meyers was talking about sin and at the time...I cared not about what I was doing in this aspect , anyway. The door opened and a lady that I did not know was starring at me. She said one statement.

"ARe you Nita's lover?"

I couldn't speak, I just grabbed my things and ran out the door. As I am driving away, Nita is running after me with a bag. I stop long enough to see what she wanted. She said she was sorry that she lied to me...that she was only 17.  She gave me the bag filled with beautiful red flowers....and then I told her goodbye.

I never saw her again....and it was for the best.



2004

And so I focused on school as well. I enjoyed learning different things about fashion. I cut my hair to my shoulders and started to lose weight again. I thought that maybe if I lost the weight that Venum would stop seeing Melissa. During the Fashion class, some of the really pretty girls decided that they wanted to give me a make over and so I let them. It was very exciting and I loved to walk down the Boulevard and get looks from others. It really boosted my confidence.


2004

I was breast feeding and my breasts would get so hard and hurt while I was at school. No matter how many times I would pump out the milk, my breasts would still become engorged and I would have to wear a triple layer of breast pads. One day, my boobs were so swollen and hurting that I went into the bathroom at Holiday hall and started to squeeze the milk into th toilet. I had already used all my bottles and had them packed away for Dorian. I had nothing left to put milk in. I remember standing over the toilet as If I was about to piss like a man. I held my breast downward and squeezed vast amounts of milk into the toilet until my breast was soft and smaller again. The size difference was very noticable before I squeezed the other one. I went to work on the other breast and then I felt so much better. When I straightened up, I noticed that I had squeezed milk all over the walls and the stall walls as well. There was milk on the floor and on the toilet seat. I guess I kind of understood at this point how hard it is for a man to aim. I cleaned up my mess and pulled my shirt back down. I walked out of that bathroom feeling like a new woman. Within an hour, my breasts were swelling again. I don't know how many messes I have made 'milking a cow' at Northeast Community college...but damnit, It helped.