65

I had acquired an apartment but I had no furniture and so I kept driving to my parent's house every night after work. A couple times, I left Marvin at my apartment while at work. He wanted to be there despite the fact that he had to sleep on the floor if he got tired. After work, I would pick him up and take him home on the way to my mother and father's house. Me and Marvin, our relationship was fading fast and I just didn't know how to tell him or break it off. Sometimes there is no distintive reason why you aren't interested in anyone anymore. My relationship with Marvin went fast and seemed to be ending fast as well.

At work, I would hang with Tracey and Venum, smoking pot and drinking beer on lunch break. We always took the backroads and talked while getting high. One day, Venum never showed up in the parking lot to go with me and Tracey to get high. When I saw him in the plant, I told him that he missed out. He smiled and flirted with me. I guess because I was a virgin, I was so bashful when he smiled at me. Little by little we began to flirt more.

There was another girl, named Lori. She was really pretty with thick legs and blonde hair. She wore lots of makeup and was very tan. I could tell that Venum was interested in her and I started to feel jealous when they talked. I tried to hide it and I think I hid it well. She had been with lots of men and I knew she was willing to do things that I had never done before. At that moment, I wished I had the experience with men that she did.

My tapes

I bought Interview with the Vampire on audio cassette and listened to it over and over when I drove to work. I would listen to it so much that I started to memorize the words to the novel. I do not know why I did this but I did know that it reminded me of Nasha and our time together. I started to dream of vampires as well. Obviously, it was because of the tapes. One day when me and Venum were going to the store on lunch break, I played the tape. I wanted to gauge his reaction to the book. He started smoking and at first, did not pay any attention to the tape. Finally, he looked at me and said..."What are you listening to?"

I smiled and said. "Oh, it's just Interview with the Vampire".

I was surprised when he said he liked listening to the tapes. We drove in silence and listened to Claudia's lines about when she saw Lestat at the the piano...after she had tried to kill him. I looked to Venum and he was engrossed in the story. As we pulled into Sonic drivein to get some lunch, he spoke. It was an odd admission but I was intrigued and thrown off just a little by his words.

"You know, I am the son of satan." He grinned and laughed then took a hit from the joint and put it out in my ashtray. I just looked at him in a strange way wondering where this was going to lead. I laughed as well.

Venum repeated the statement and looked at me from over the rim of his sunglasses. "really, I am. My father is the fucking devil."

We both started to laugh and then ordered our food.

No car, no inhibitions

Venum said he had no car, or rather that his car was broken and he didn't have the money to fix it. I voluteered to give him a ride home after work and he seemed happy with that solution. I will never forget when Venum asked me if I would sneak some foam matresses that we made at the factory, into my car. He kept insisting that I could stack the mattresses and use them as a bed. I reluctantly accepted and helped him stuff them into my back seat. After dropping off the mattresses at my apartment, I drove on toward Venum's home. I was ashamed to admit to him that I did not have enough money to get home. He volunteered to give me some money for gas. We got to talking so much and so in-depth that we had to pull over on the side of the road and talk. We looked at each other's scars and listened to stories which told details of how the scars came about. Finally, we headed to Venum's uncles house. Venum was staying there with his uncle since he had just moved back to Mississippi from Detroit. I was nervous while there because I didn't know anyone. I saw the light skinned girl from work whom Venum said was his sister, I saw a young man who was very tall and an older man who seemed to be crippled in some way. They all looked me over and then continued with the activities they were doinbg before I opened my mouth to speak. Of course they were all nice to me and Venum gave me a fiver to get back home.

I left and started my long drive back to Ashland. The night was odd and warm and I could hear a light humming in my head. I knew that part of me that was mischevious was at least content for the moment and so I let her be. I thought about the night's events and smiled.

I returned to work the next night and kept to myself. I didn't want to be too needy or clingy to Venum in fear that he would turn away and give all his attentions to Lori. I spoke to him a couple times but waited to see if he would come to me. I had learned the disasters with dealing with Kine and Nasha and knew how the pain of rejection felt. I also felt broken and tainted in some way, as if I was completely incapable of carrying on a normal conversation with a man without seeming too this or too that. I had severe failings with emotions and social interaction. Although I tried to hide it and did pretty well at times, I knew that they noticed my flaws and that further terrified me. I was outgoing, don't get me wrong, but I was broken...I had always been broken, scarred and distant. I wanted to be more than that.