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12/15/1993




We knew at this point that our holidays would be spent apart and it wasn't easy for us. I loved her and she loved me but things had grown more complicated. My sessions spent at the therapist was interesting but my aunt felt they were not helping me all that much. I still stayed out till late in the night without calling her, I even stayed gone for days at times. she saw my lack of progress as her fault for choosing the wrong doctors. She switched my from one therapist to another and then yet to another between thanksgiving and Christmas. She felt that with enough therapy, my homosexuality would be cured. I told these women of thinngs that had happened in my life and the stories shocked them. Trudy, my last therapist told me that she couldn't believe someone so young could have been through so much trauma. I never saw my trauma as abnormal, I only saw it as obstacles to bring me closer to some sort of enlightenment. At the young age of 18, I was still trying to stay positive. I felt the pull again of the darkness just outside my reach. It was a corner that remained dark but mostly, I ignored it and tried to live life as best I could in the artificial light.



12/18/1993



Our holidays were spent apart, Gina and me. She was going to meet her brother and they were going to leave for florida for holidays. Then when his visit was over, she was coming back to Memphis to hang out alone and without me. It had to be this way, my parents required me to be home for christmas and she wasn't allowed there anymore. I felt the holidays looming toward me and I was unhappy. Right before I decided to return home, my brother called me. He asked me if I would love to take a four day trip to New Orleans with him. With no other choice but to sit on the farm all weekend in Mississsippi, I decided to go with him. At least I could pick up a gift for Gina.



12/19/1993



We left today, left out from my parents house bound for the big easy. One of my high school friends wanted to go with us but she got sick and had to cancel. So it was just me and Allen throwing everything into the trunk of the car and setting out on a road trip.



Something hung heavy in the air and I had no idea what it was. The corner of darkness twitched and went away. with a sigh of relief, I hoped into his car and we left Mississippi.