38

April 1992



I stayed in Memphis for about a week, contemplating the past events. I wondered how real they really were, I wondered what was happening and how and most of all I was wondering if it had followed me here. The first couple of days with my aunt was fairly normal…the third one was not.



I was tired of hiding out inside her small pristine brick home. We watched ‘Are you being served’ both of the first nights that I was with her, and we laughed. I tried to keep the darker thoughts at bay, especially since she was a devote christian. I enjoyed her southern cooking and her innocent conversation…but after two nights of it, I wanted some time alone. At home I would take long walks just to get fresh air and to entertain my various thoughts, which I might add, changed so erratically. On Wednesday, I told her that I was going to walk a couple of blocks for exercise. She worried so much and really didn’t want me to go, but since she was not my mother, she didn’t feel obliged to tell me no.




It was late evening, the sun was barely hanging on the horizon and the beautiful new spring blooms were dancing on the trees. Petals of pink and orange drifted upon the breeze landing on the broken sidewalk. The traffic made a wonderful low groaning noise and distant sirens joined the symphony of sound. It was beautiful. I took a deep breath and released it. By the time I had passed the second street sign, I had begun to accept the truth of reality and how silly my ‘vampiric’ episodes had seemed. I laughed softly and tried to imagine how Tysha had hurt herself and snuck in to hurt me in the middle of the night…or maybe it was Mark…maybe he cut us both right after sedating us in our sleep. But did that really seem logical?



I watched my feet move one in front of the other and made sure I didnt’ step on a crack. After all, I loved my mother and didnt want to cause her back to be broken. This made me laugh as well. It was silly, I know but god knows how hard I tried to miss those cracks in the sidewalk.



The sun sank lower in the sky and I could just see the rays lighting the tree line past Perkins road. I had to get back soon or Aunt Marie would worry about me. I kept walking…on past Cranford and then past Thomas. Before I realized how long I had been walking, I was standing on the side of Perkins road…the sun was gone. The street lights buzzed and popped open with a glaring light. Traffic seemed to slow. I swallowed and turned back toward the way I came…back to Delmont and the safety of my aunt and her british comedies.


Pieces connecting.



“Ok…guess I better get back now.”



I felt the hand on my shoulder as I finished talking to myself.



“excuse me….” I turned to see an elderly gentleman licking his lips and shaking. “do you have some change to spare a nice old gentleman like me?” He smiled and displayed his few teeth spaced in his gums. The front ones were completely gone but he retained his canines and they seemed in perfect condition.



“I am sorry, sir, I have no money with me.” I gulped and smiled. “I have to go now, my family will be worried.”



The old man lost his smile and he stared at me. “well then, you little bitch…You just hop on off to your auntie now. You wouldn’t want to be caught out too long after dark now would you?” The old bum scratched his ribs and laughed. His laugh ended abruptly in a gasping cough.



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“what?” I asked, taken aback by his statement about ‘my auntie’.



The old man leaned in and I could smell something putrid on his breath. Don’t ask my why I hadn’t already run. I guess I was just curious…like a cat…Oh god. He eyes bore deeply into mine and he spoke.



“Scurry on off to your sweet little auntie. ‘Are you being served will be on soon…or would you rather watch ‘Threes company..you dirty girl? Maybe a little music to soothe the yearnings….something like ‘No Quarter’…a little Zepplin, eh?”



That was all it took. I ran and I ran. I don’t remember much but I remember seeing him again before I got home. In fact,at every street sign he waved to me and tried to reach out for me. It was a wonder I hadn’t leapt right into traffic trying to avoid his hands.



I never came outside again until I went back home to the country. I left in the middle of the day….high noon.



April 1992



I don’t want to go outside. I am afraid. Tonight I bummed some cigarettes from my dad’s friend. I begged him to not tell daddy because I knew it was all he needed to beat my ass again. So I waited for everyone to fall asleep and then enjoyed my smoke. I didn’t really know how to enjoy a smoke…I had just heard that this is what you do when you are stessed. I locked my bedroom door and cracked a window. With a can of lysol in one hand I took a drag. I started to cough…in fact I thought I would gag. Wow, is this really how you feel better…I need some weed…hahaha I smiled and lay my head on the window sill. The night breeze was wonderful. I sniffed the fresh spring night air and sighed.