42

January




1993



I know it's over, it's over for all of us. After this, then there is the other part of life, waiting beyond high
school. If this is bad, then what awaits me on the other side of that podium?



Nasha came to me, three weeks ago and told me about Matt's cousin Thomas and how she wanted to leave Matt for him. Then a week ago, she told me about Jackson and how she was in love with him instead. Then more stories came about Serenia. Just three days ago, I found out about Tanya, the
stripper, whom Matt was in love with now. I just couldn't keep up with it all. I didn't know what to say to either of them and so I stayed by the phone, in case they wanted to talk about it. I guess I could fake concern for their love affairs. But they became quiet up until yesterday.



the phone rang and it was Nasha.



"sherrie, I got a job, Jackson got the job for me." she


stopped talking and I could hear her rapid breathing."that's nice." I said coldly



Nasha gasped and started up again....just like a little motor that never quit. "Well, aren't you proud of me, sherrie. I got a job!"



I wasn't proud of her, she was lost as lost could be. I only heard her screaming through the phone lines as she explained to me, her wonderful news. She moved from lovers like rain drops falling in so many places. She drenched them, fed them then dried up into nothing again. I loved her whore magic and wanted to be like her someday. But for now I struggled between hate and love...



"I am proud of you, Nasha." I stated, "I am so proud that I am smiling from ear to ear right now."



"really..."



"no, but I am proud of you." I cleared my throat. "So, how is Matt?"



She didn't answer me at all about that, she just started chatting about how much she missed me. Then she told me how Jackson had performed oral sex on her while she was on her monthly. I visualized his pale face looking up from his meal with crimson Nasha covering the lower half of his face. He was smiling and then he bared his....



"sherrie, I think i love him...but, not as much as I love you." I heard her sigh. "But, I think I could love you both and of course, I love Matt too. I always loved Matt."



I wanted to run away, I wanted to get off this phone now and just get away from her, him and all the others she brought within her circle of hell. Thing is, she didn't even know she did this. Her power was unknown to her.



"So, how is Matt? " I asked again



no response....she sighed and changed the subject.



February



1993



Matt told her that he wanted to die. He had left Tanya behind and wanted to make his relationship with Nasha to work. But Nasha grew closer to Jackson as time went on. She was with him after work, in town in his truck...but always after nightfall when no one could see them. Nasha was wound and wound around Jackson and she wasn't going to be pulled away...except maybe to read. She still read my books, my letters too, but she spent the rest of her time with Jackson.



The more time she spent with Jackson, the more desperate my attempts to pull her back. I listened to Matt tell me that he knew she was in love with someone else and I lied to him. I told him that he was just being paranoid. When Nasha would call me late at night, she would tell me about another suicide attempt she had twarted. Matt tried a knife, pills and even tried to get hold of his gun but Nasha would save him. Then she would tell me about it as she got ready to go see Jackson.



Oh, how she was concerned for Matt.



April



1993



I don't want to be here anymore and so I am applying to the Art Academy. In just a little while, I will be leaving and I will not have to worry about silly vampires, rastafarians and drunken girls who have no idea who they are really in love with. I want out of here and my art will take me from this place.



I worked on my porfolio day after day and answered my phone. As Matt cried for Nasha, I painted dark colors onto the background of my canvas. AS Nasha giggled about something that Jackson did, I blended in the colors red and black until they closely resembled what I had thought my soul looked like.



I would smile before bed and turn to the two glowing eyes which sat outside my window and I would pretend that they were eyes of some magical fairy.



And so, I whispered softly



"come in"