49

Things remembered seem farther away than they really are.

12/21/1993-nightfall




We sat at the bar on the roof of our hotel and discussed my bisexuality. Me and my brother,we were just having a drink and trying to figure out how to deal with my parents, my aunt and the therapy situation. This wasn't supposed to be the thing you do in New Orleans while having a bloody Mary, but it just transpired.



I sat on my stool and gazed out at the river. A large boat covered in lights sat by the River bank and emitted a small plumb of smoke. My brother's words began to fade as my eyes followed the smoke up into the sky. I had that feeling again of being in a room full of people and feeling all alone.





I thought of Nasha and Matt again and wondered if they were still fighting.



12/22/1993



Today was filled with walks on the quarter, cemetary tours and visiting the best cajun restaurants around. The mood was lighter during the day and the weather was beautiful. Boats glided along the river just off the banks as Jazz and blues wafted through the air. Children squealed running from the candy shops. I smiled and trotted alongside my big brother, I chatted away about silly things and our usual sarcastic and deep comedic thoughts. The thing I can remember the most about the day was the overall calm and optimistic air. There were no dark corners , no regrets and definitely no thoughts of care for things back home. It was a good day.



12/22/1993-nightfall



This was the our last night in the Big Easy, so we decided to walk the quarter until we couldn't walk anymore. I had my reservations about this place after dark but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to have some fun. We went from pub to pub, bar to bar and cafe to cafe sipping on drinks. Our walk along the quarter became a shamble and our laughter got louder. We turned down a new street and then another. We passed groups of people here and there led by pale tour guides. Every one of the palid creatures caught my eye and smiled at me and everytime, my smile dropped, as did my gaze. Other people were shambling as well and tended to bump into us and drunkenly apologise.



A shop caught my brother's eye and we ducked into it. I recognized the smell immediately, it was a deep rich insence, very similar to a cardaman/patchoulie mix. I inhaled the aroma and sighed. The air was filled with light smoke and I could hear drums in the distance.



All at once I realized where I was. It was charm shop, much like the ones in Memphis that i had frequented. Nothing much different in seemed and as the smoke cleared nearer the heart of the store, I saw them. The candles, the herbs and the oils. I saw the chicken feet, the furs and the beads as well. I reached out to touch a root and pulled my hand back instinctively. That is when I heard her voice speak to me from the counter.



"Jus let me know cherie and me be with you there." The lady smiled and nodded toward me.



I walked toward the counter and looked into her face, waiting for her to look directly at me. she was hard at work on some herbs and stones, she was desperately trying to wrap the mass in a small peice of red material. she was making a gris gris. I smiled bigger and spoke to her.



"Can you help me? I want a love charm."



The lady looked up and chuckled. Her eyes startled me and scared me. I gulped and dropped my gaze. While playing with my fingers I spoke again. "I need a charm to win the one I love and ..."



She leaned forward, I could feel her move as the sleeves of her dress rasped against the counter. "speak my dear...You want to get rid of your adversaries and win the one you love, right?"



I looked up at her, surprised and nodded. When my eyes locked with hers, she brought a strand of red and white beads from under the counter and dangled them between our gaze.



"Here sweetie, just wear this and your adversaries will be gone."



She reached beneath the counter again and drew forth a small vial of yellow liquid. "And this, mon amie, is the nectar of love. Put this behind your ears while wearing this necklace and you will have your love."



I reached out and took the vial just as my brother walked up behind me.



"Oh no" he said, "What have you found now?"



12/22/1993-even later



That night as my brother slept, I snuck away. Dashing out into the night and stealing the car. I parked and paid the machine, running past the harbor and back to the quarter. I found shops closed and lothesome creatures shambling still, along Canal Street. My heart beat wildly as I searched for the street we had found before. My eyes were blood shot and tired from drinking and my head pounded. Down street after street running before the vampires noticed me, I found the place. Marie Laveau's House of Voodoo was closed for the night. This didn't make sense to me. What really closed in New Orleans after all.



My frustration had me backing off the curb and onto the cobble stones. I walked slowly back toward the river in defeat. I wanted more from the store, I needed charms, I needed herbs and I was leaving for home the next day. This was terrible.



That is when I felt their eyes on my back. I didn't want to turn around but I did. There were four of them. Two guys, a girl and a little boy. They were laughing at me and staring. My heart sped up again and I walked slowly down the street going back toward the better lit area of the quarter. I walked faster but didn't run. I didn't want them to know that I was scared but I was. I gripped the beaded necklace tightly and just kept walking. There were more. Up ahead to the right and one, I passed so quickly that I almost missed them. when I turned to look behind me, they were all following me. I cursed under my breath and walked faster. Before I could have the chance to turn the corner onto a lightened street, I tripped on something and fell upon the stones. I tried to catch my fall but I couldn't...I think, I don't remember, cuz I blacked out from fear.