44

Lunacy is an interesting word and I use it quite often. To understand the true meaning of the word, you must first understand the road to lunacy. Without the path to something, something cannot exist. Without history, we are still in process...forever turning with no result. Without the path, we are always stay-put in 'normalacy'. Madness is not a state of being, but a spin thrown shot into the revolving door of eternal chaos. Madness turns forever...always moving...always progressing and evolving into heightened states of confusion and beauty, then dipping back down again into dribbling child like banter. Lunacy....Madness- is...it just is...

04/22/1993




I graduated from high school today. I thought that having a party with no alcohol made sense, I was sorely mistaken. My naive mind just sort of thought that made sense. She was there, you know- Nasha, the healer. We all have extensions to our names. She had to leave early though and the party turned out to 'suck' in all actuality. I just felt kind of miserable and sad by the whole ordeal.



My mind kept thinking about my acceptance letter to MCA. I was so proud of my portfolio, which obviously landed me in a private Art College in M town. I was so excited that I began to paint again, getting back into the artistic mood.The only sadness I felt was the sadness of leaving Nasha behind. I loved her dearly and it was going to be hard to be away from her. Her voice was soft and silken and her eyes a shimmering gray-how could I resist. Whenever I held her near, the scent of perfume mixed with newport cigarettes would strangely make me shiver. I guess it never matters truly, what the scent is, as long as the mind can connect to something in memory. I will miss her badly.





08/23/1993



I have been thrown into a different world. My gifts as a painter are so common here that I no longer feel like some freak with a strange talent. The college is home to people all over the world. Some of my friends are from INdia,Europe and Asia. My best friends as of now are Mechelle (she is actually from Memphis), Gina and Suri(from Norway), chika, Fumino and Honin (all from Japan). These are my homies, it seems.



10/31/1993



Halloween 1993 was a strange one indeed. Me and the girls had decided to let Honin drive the stick shift to the party. what a mistake that was. I think that maybe I had whiplash from that ordeal, or maybe I was too drunk to notice. Me and Gina had started drinking way before Suri and Fumino had arrived. Honin was constantly trying to get us to flash our tits at him and we were merely entertained for moments, then brushed him off. When everyone arrived at Tucker Street, we were ready to go.



Memphis has many underground clubs and places that weirdos like me can feel at home. We found a party easily that one of the other art students had arranged. Oh, it was fucking amazing...every room was a different color and they had a giant keg as well. The thing I remember the most, was doing the time warp (rocky horror, of course) in the red room.



That night, I made love to a beautiful Norwegian woman and never regretted a thing. The moment I remember the most was when she asked me if I was sure I wanted to have sex with her. She was so nervous because she felt I was too drunk to make a decision. I just smiled and enjoyed the experience, which I might add, I repeated many many times afterwards....but we will get to that. she was especially concerned that I wasn't pressured to give her oral sex. Those concerns made me laugh.