58

I had to have something to take me away from there. I had not yet realized the respect that I should have for my parents, despite their shortcomings. When I left MCA I slept most everyday-sedated on Paxil and Prozac. For weeks I did not care about what I should be doing. I would wake for short periods of time to eat and use the bathroom and then to take a shower. After my shower, I would drug up and go back to bed. I had a talk with my aunt and alerted her to the fact that I was going back home soon. I had no desire to remain in Memphis but assured her that it wasn't any of her doing that made me want to leave. I felt bad for using her because that Is what I did for so long on my adventures in college. I did have a concience, despite what others may think and what you have read here. I have a heart that desires a home and soul that desires to be fulfilled.

I left out for my parent's house in late May, after my friends had all gone back home for the summer...or for good. When I arrived, things were just as they were before; my brother was still living at home, my parents were eating dinner and George was walking down the little dirt road. I cringed when I saw him. I reached into my purse and downed a paxil before turning in to bed. I locked my door behind me and pulled a bottle of Brandy from my hiding place underneathe my bed. Taking a swig, I pulled out a pen and notebook from my backpack. I started to write.

June 1994

Nasha called me...after months of being absent from my life, she called to say hello and tell me what she had been up to during the time we had been apart. She was working in Memphis with a group of girls and had a nice place that she shared with those girls. She asked me to come visit her. So, I agreed and made plans to stay a couple days with my old friend.

Memphis again...and I never thought I would come back here. I didn't want to feel those feelings again. I fell in love here and it still lingered on the air that I breathed. I drove through town thinking of Gina, wondering what she was doing and if she missed me at all. I drove through east Memphis on into midtown and just a little further. I found the address nestled at the deadend of a street that presently I cannot remember. It was a plantation style house, white columns, vines growing all around the windows. Beautiful and creepy at the same time, I took it all in. I found a place to park and glanced back at the house. She stood there on the porch with her beautiful golden blonde hair flowing in the wind. She smiled at me and squinted those amazing gray eyes. My breath caught by her beauty and my hands trembled slightly. God, I had missed her. She ran down the steps and stopped just at the bottom. She smiled and put her hands in her pockets. I got out of the car and adjusted my sunglasses. My wavy auburn hair blew into my face obstructing my vision temperarily. A shadow stood beside her for a moment then disapated. I frowned and walked across the street. We embraced and I could smell her purfume, her hair and I could feel her soft skin pressed against mine. I inhaled her..the obsession I had for her before, it returned in full force. I took her face in my hands and kissed her soft lips. She smiled and led me inside.

The house was old but abslutely gorgeous on the inside. I could smell incense and something else. A curvy and very sexy blonde stood at the top of the staircase. She smiled down at us as we came in the door. Nasha looked up and her and introduced me.

"Donna, this is Sherrie. She is spending the weekend with us."

Donna skipped down the stairs and giggled. She resembled a younger version of Marilyn Monroe, with the full breasts and hips. She bit her bottom lip and spoke.

"Nasha told me everything about you, Sherrie. I am so excited to meet you!"

Donna grabbed hold of Nasha and pulled her upstairs...with me following close behind. I scanned my surroundings as I ascended the stairs. There were pictures hung here and there of various painters. Sexy paintings,suggestive paintings and things which I can not explain. I turned back toward the two girls who were chattering excitedly about where they were gonna take me.

When we reached the second floor, where Nasha's room was located, we sat down on the floor. Nasha and another girl Betty had full reign of the second floor. They shared a very large bathroom and extra closet. Betty's door was closed so I assumed she was out. Nasha's bedroom was large with a window seat on the front side of the house looking out on the street below. I wondered when Betty would come out of that room but they said she was a night person.

We talked about various things, including what had been going on the previous year and about the activities that we would indulge in in the following days to come. Nasha insisted that I stay longer than the weekend and so I decided to spend the week with her instead. I opened my backpack and took out a rather large wooden jewelry chest. OPeneing it, I pulled out a large bag of marijuana. They gasped and giggled with glee.

"WEll, look at that, I say we start now!" Nasha exclaimed with glee.