46

If only there was a pill for this...if only the suffering and the unremorseful 'sin' didn't feel so good. I cried with you upon my chest and wished you were a boy. I am lying...I cannot see what they want me to see...I love you.

11/22/1993




It was Thanksgiving and my father was very angry because I hadn't been home from college recently. I love my daddy but I have just been spending so much time with Gina and I feel so addicted to her. The last time that I called daddy, it was at Gina's apartment and I had to lie to him. He insisted that I come home for Thanksgiving, but that I could bring my 'friend' home with me.



11/25/1993



It was horrible, my dad is not speaking to me and my mother is very upset. Even my brother is upset with me. He told me he thought about killing me because my mom and dad were giving him grief.



When I took Gina home with me, I had no idea that she had wrote 'proud to be a lesbian' on her back pack. I mean, how was I to know that? Of course, my parents never saw it until we were leaving to head back to Memphis, but...it was enought. The whole weekend, my parents gave her the best treatments and we even managed to make love in my old bedroom undetected. It was not until I got to my aunt's house in Memephis that I was told that my parents had seen the statement on the back of her pack and were appalled. I took Gina home and returned to my aunts to call my parents and try to make amends. The phone call was horrible, and no resolution was found for days. ONe of mine and Gina's guy friends decided to pretend to be my boyfriend to calm my parents. For the time being, this worked.



12/05/1993



My aunt is not convinced that I am not gay. She has scheduled an appointment for a therapist on Monday. I do not need a therapist. I didn't know that being gay or bisexual was a mental illness.