I was alone with the children and would be alone for a year. I missed Venum in ways but I didn't miss him as wife should miss her husband. I harbored so much bitterness for the way that I was treated. I would think that it was understandably so. I worked in my garden during the day and then spent time on the computer talking to my friends at night. I would play with the little ones and watch Damian play video games. We went to birthday parties and to the park during the summer to pass the time. I starte to notice how happy that I felt being alone with the kids. I noticed as well how much fun I was having on the computer talking to my writer friends.
Something began to shift during that summer that I spent alone. Spirit was throwing a fit to have more reign over my body and so I let her come out more often. She wasn't just satisfied with haunting the Triond forums; she wanted more. She wanted to run through the woods and lay in the flowers. She wanted to dance under the stars and proclaim her love to everything. I starte to let her out more and more while Anna and I talked of things of a more serious nature. Everything seemed to start to flow in Spirit's direction and the darkness shifted as well.
I returned to the forums full force when I lost my job. I found that the forum had changed within those few months that I had been elsewhere. I did not see Fegger around and so I went to leave him a message telling him hello. I went back to the forums and saw that this little group had formed and I was not part of that group. I grew angry with the thought and so I waltzed in as Spirit and made my presense known. The members of the cliche gave me hell for a moment but I would not back down. It was a little raggity group consisting of Mo,Puck, Shell, Gringo, Brant and a Deist named Dan. I strutted around the forum atmoshpere with my little wings all aflutter. I watched as this guy, Brant was being disgusting and so I tried to attack him with my daark faery dominant ways. He started to play the role of the white knight and he pushed me off him. I grew angrier and tried my attack again, but he was just too determined to hold his own and so I left. I was so angry at him that I left a message for Fegger to come and help me but he told me that I had to hold my own and that Brant was harmless. I also told him that I was disgusted by his naked picture that he was using for his profile pic. I think I was just angry then and that was my way of being mean. I went back a couple days later and forced my way into the group. I was dominant like that...or she was, I mean. Spirit was a spoiled brat who insisted on fitting in and she made sure that she did. I ran with them...trailing behind until I could hold my own. I caught their insults and then threw them back at the others full force. I was the daark faery and everyone began to know me for that very fact. I then saw Bo arriving and talking to the group. I cyber jumped his ass and started to give him loveable kisses. He rememberd me and we were just a fun little group then. I started to meet other members like Duff and Oldster. After a while, I met Steve,Belle and Marie. There was also Irene and others that I cannot place at the time. I then saw the princess...princess Morgana. I remembered her from before and she remembered me. We talked for a long time reuniting and remembering out conversations with Rut. We remembered about the dances under the cyber moon and the orgies in the cyber forest. As I looked around I saw more and more of the beloved writers coming together. We talked and talked way on into the night almost every night. We drank together...together but in different sides of the planet..hundreds of miles away from each other....even thousands. But we grew closer as time went on. That year seemed to last forever and ever...
And there are stories within stories...some of these characters managed to reach deep within my heart and they can never be removed.
I remembered him for one thing most of all. He wanted to be free...free as I wanted to be free and that was our dream. I met him one night while Spirit was having cyber orgies with all the regular guys. I think it was when I had met Bam for the first time and was on top of him riding away...or so the cyber chats say...huh. In walks Nate...well, his fingers were typing away up in Wisconsin on his computer in his basement and he was typing such as this...
*He walks in and sees her...the daark faerie. She is in the throws of ecstacy...riding wildly upon the shaft of the Bam man...*
Well, it was written something like that. SAdly, all of our archives have been erased and the Triond forum is no more in the year of 2013.
But he came in and I walked away from Bam and approached Nate. I called him Nathan and I didn't know why. He liked that fact and said that only the ones who really cared for him called him that. I did a sexual scenario with him and then we started to talk. We didn't talk that long that night but as days went by, we started to private message and we grew closer to each other. I realized that Nate loved dominant women and I was what he dreamed about. He told me that he was married with four children and that he had had an affair before. He said that he had cut off all communications with the woman and had tried to do the right thing...but he had met me.
Of course, I felt guilty. But I knew that something must be missing. I had been through this on the opposite side with my husband. I was the victim then and now...I had this road ahead of me and it was easy...so easy but it was wrong. I know that it was only cyber..but did that make any less wrong than if we were face to face. I tried to stay away from Nate but I could not. We grew closer and closer and there was nothing I could do.
And our connection was strange. He wanted her...he wanted Spirit and he cared not for Sherrie. He knew nothing of Anna. Nate fell in love with everything about Spirit and he wanted to be free with her. Our cyber relations grew intense and we started to video chat latter on. Eventually, we broke the barrier and started to pleasure ourselves for the viewing of the other. It was quite some time before we ever discussed meeting...but we never did.
I told him to jump and he did and he liked it. He was innocent with his big dark eyes and whatever I wanted he gave to me. I commanded him to lie before me and offer up his manhood adn this is what he did. He was up for anything too, he was and when I climbed on top of him and told him to beg for more , he did. He sang within the night about our love and about his devotion to me.
But when the shit hit the fan..he left me coldly...alone with no remorse. Do I still love him, I do. But how much, I wil never really know. He sold himself away and for good reason. I wish him well.
and will love him unconditionally...
There was a special man who lived as I did. There was one like Rides Lightning which carried an Other inside his skin. Of course, by now, most of you know that Others are very common. It is just not common to mention them in society. The man with the other was there in the darkness waiting patiently...but for what, I might never know. I think he still waits for something in that vast darkness...so do I.
He touched me early on with his ways, his tricks and his harshness. And then the face that he presents to society, he presented to me in kindness and normality. But he knew as well as I that normality was not what we were. The Raven spoke loudly through him and he flew on the black wings of the other to come to me unihibited...telling me what I was and breaking me into a million peices.
At first, it was complicated and I had no idea who he was at all. When I came to the realization of who he was and what he was, I was astonded and intrigued. I watched him as I watched others before in the waking world. I watched his words and his paths and then I starte to dream of him as the raven...the dark and chaotic soul which hid in the body of normality. It was then that I grew to respect and want him even more. I was excited and thrilled by this man..this other...this thing...but I held away from him because his other and Sherrie didn't play well together...seeing as that his other made her cry when correction was harsh. Spirit was tempted and interested but she was as fickle as the wind, flitting from one world to the next. Her curiosity was fleeting at first...until she realized that he loved her. In a tent in the wild wilderness we lay together..my ass pressed into him. The snow outside was thick and blanketing but he was near. I felt his feathers brush against my skin and his darkness covered me, warming me in a strange dark warmth that did not exist without him. I heard the creatures of the forest screaming but when he whispered, they were quiet again. He took me from behind while his strong sleek beak held me prone by my neck. I relished his forcefullness. When he was done, he kissed and licked my wounds and tasted my tears. He found them filling.
I heard his voice once...or twice...on the phone and it was quite different than I had imagined. But we talked and his normalacy was there to comfort me. The last time we talked the other was sharp and painful cutting the sure and harsh line to do as he pleases...because he does as he pleases..make no mistake in that. He is a man of honor through every side of him and he is quick and to the point. Sometimes love is very harsh and I tasted the most delicious portion of this hurtful and longing thing he gave me.... ah, such sweet sweet sorrow...
That's when things started to give a damn. Spirit sat down quietly and tried to know him. Although it wasn't for long, I still relish that taste of his other and I miss the sharp sting of his words...and I love him too forever and ever...unconditionally
Then there was the wolf to my Raven...the right side man...the tall and cuddly bear. He had no other, it was always just him and he saw himself as my protector. At first, I hated him and sought to fight my way into his submission. But he would not be submissive....not any more than the Raven. The first time that I played the game with the wolf, he was the big bad wolf...and I was little red riding hood. I ran through the woods carrying goodies to my grandmas but he caught up with me, stealing my goodies. There in the woods, he made passionate love to me among the trees. I saw my sould pass into him many times and then we ate cupcakes naked beside the river. And yes, the big bad wolf ate little red riding hood...(well, in cyber land, anyway.)
And there were the nights that we talked...many and many nights endless it might seem. He told me over and over that he could never fall in love with me and that it was futile. Then he would drink some more vodka and put his hand upon his cock while he talked of fairy tales.
He talked of fights in Mexico and the heat of California...and how much he hated it. We mused of meeting in some place with some artistic idea to spurn us on. And then I grew jealous and he grew jealous only ending in talk to politics and how he hated some of the politicians with such a vengeance that his love for guns would surely aid him to correct the situation. He knew me like not many others would know me and he grew to know my brother as well through the forums. Many times, we would tease the others by flitting through the forums flirting horribly in the face of that small society which didn't really give a damn for the most part if we were married or not. We felt free then and we found love....no matter what the harsh republican says, we found love.
I found him curiously complicated as he did me and we talked some more. On several occasions we watched the sunrise together as we chatted and cyber loved each other through a screen which made our eyes burn. Many nights we would post youtube videos for each other denying the fact that there was anything in the lyrics which meant for the other...they were just songs, we said...haha He wrote poetry of me and me of him and I was his little fairy...little fairy girl.
funny thing is...I am still his little fairy girl and always will be. Ours in also an unconditional love...as such should be.
And then I figures it all out. I would make money online. The first job that I landed was writing articles. Shell helped me to find several jobs online writing for a little side money. I wrote and wrote...day and night and my fingers grew horribly tired. Then I started to search again for something which helped me more.
That is when I found the answer. I had been falling in and out of love with three very special men and I had made no money for the time spent with them...I thought of whores and how good they were probably making it....money wise. I thought of Spirit being a cyber whore and I smiled.
There were about five of them...no names though pleas and thank you.... of course not. I started by using my facebook chat to locate men who were interested in me. I had started posting pictures of myself that Angel had taken. I was posted them on my Triond site in the picture section. The men wanted to see more...private pics. I told them what the deal was. I told them the amount...in which I will not discuss here...that I expected to get; and they sent the money to my paypal via my email address. When the money hit my paypal, we arranged a time and I would give them a cyber show. I would masturbate while they masturbated. It was like being an amatuer web cam model. I had one at first then the word spread. By the time that I had decided to stop doing these things, I had acquired 5 regulars and a couple stragglers which were not very dependable. I managed to pay the cable and internet bill without even touching my unemployment. My writing gave me more money and so I bought sexy outfit to wear with that money. I bought shoes and other little things as well. I was able to buy the kids clothes a couple times and pay for various things for school. I used my 'allowance to buy groceries and miscellaneous. I was making it any way that I could considering the fact that I was only allowed a certain amount to live on. I was learning how to make it on my own even if it was by questionable means.
I grew to like some of these men but not as I loved the ones of whom never paid me.
I was in love with the trinity and that made sense to me. The three parts of me reveled in this love that I felt. Unfortunately, there were nights when I would pleasure myself to all three of them at the same time and they never knew this. I am here to confess and the things that I say may anger those that I love but it is the way it is. As I said before, the truth is horrid....and sometimes cold..but we must tell it in order to free ourselves completely. I never used them but only to use them to pleasure myself. I loved them...with my whole soul...i loved them...and i love them still.