138

2008

Summer

Me and Darla became closer as we started to join in church activites. We sang in a trio with her sister in law, Tracey. After a while of singing and practices, we started to each do solos with the other two doing back up...we took turns. We became very good with our practice and at times, got standing ovations from the audience in the church. I started to teach the younger children in the Sunday school rooms upstairs. I wanted to do God's work but when I was not in church, I guess that I was secretly doing the work of satan...so to speak.

During practice, I sat and listened to Darla talk about how much she really liked Gavin. I listened and inside, I wanted to tell her that I wanted him instead, but I did not do that. I encouraged her to talk to him because I knew her innocence. Even though Darla may not have been as pure as the driven snow, she was still pure and innocent to me...to my standards. She was sweet and very kind. There was no way that I could compete, nor did I want to, with Darla's admiration of Gavin. So, each time she asked me about him, I encouraged her to ask him out on a date. Both of them were single and so it was quite alright for them to get together. But deep within me, my heart broke again because I loved Gavin and I wanted Gavin for my own and I had no right because I was married. It's funny how despite the facts of life, the heart knows a different path and craves a different sort of satisfaction.
I realized more and more that life was a cruel and viscious circle. I tried to be godly, I tried with all my might to do what was right but my anger grew as evidence surfaced of Venum's infidelity. I wanted a family just as anyone else does but I also wanted happiness as well.


Messages

I sent my first message to Gavin which was a very bad mistake. I sent him a poem because I wanted him to have a glimpse at the real me even though I had a fake profile and fake name. When he recieved the message with the poem, he unfriended me. I was saddened by this move that he made...and so I stayed offline for a while.

After a few days, I sent Gavin a message. I know that he was no longer my friend but something spurred me on. I think now that it may have been stupidity. I also wanted him to guess until he found out that it was me but at the same time, I wanted him to like me before I told him who I was. It became obvious over time that I was attracted to him so if he found out who I really was, then there would be no mistaking of my feelings for him. But, I couldn't stop. I dropped hints of who I was and told him things that I wanted him to know. I even grew angry at one time and told him not to trust those that he thought he could trust. I made reference of Darla and told him to beware of those who changed themselves to grow closer to him. I began to notice that Darla desperately wanted to gain Gavin's attention and so I warned him of those who pretended. It came to a point to where my attraction to Gavin was growing stronger than my ability to be Darla's friend and so the tension grew like a thin string when I was with Darla...especially when Gavin entered the room. Neither of them knew that I was the girl online that was sending riddles to Gavin. Things grew very complicated.
Meanwhile...Venum continued to see Mechelle.

Mechelle's baby's daddy would drive by my house and yell obsenitities at Venum, he would call him phone repeatedly. I would ask Venum who was on the phone and he would tell me who it was. According to Venum, Mechelle's baby's daddy...Jones...was convinced that Venum was fucking Mechelle. He told me that it was all a lie. But, not matter, the calls continued.


The confrontation...

I was supposed to do a solo at church with the group that Sunday. I was getting ready for church and the kids were playing round the house after breakfast. Venum was at drill that weekend, so I was alone. I heard a knock at my door and so I ran to see who it was. When I answered the door, a black man, medium height, medium build...was standing at the door. He said hello very politely and then he started to tell me why he was there.

"I came here to tell you that your husband is fucking my wife." he then went into this pocket and took out his wallet. Then he took out a small picture and showed it to me. "This is my wife and my two children."

I looked at the picture and saw Mechelle and her two biracial babies...two boys.  I looked up at Jones and spoke. "What?"

He looked very sad then he spoke again. "I am sorry, I don't want to upset you but I had to come tell you. I love my wife and I want her back. That bastard has been fucking my wife for months now."
I was shocked and of course...not really shocked at all. This had become somewhat of a routine thing for me. I looked at Jones and stepped out onto the porch closing the door.

Jones told me the whole story of how Venum was going to Codys and how he was seeing her there and how she was seeing him at work, at the park and everywhere. I asked him how he knew all this and he said that he had been following them. I was astonded.

After Jones left, I went through the motions and went on to church. I sang my solo and then I came back home. Venum denied everything and said that Jones was nuts. I asked Cody and he sided with Venum saying that JOnes was crazy. I didn't believe them...not really, but the surface part acted as though it believed because I didn't want the drama to affect my children. I was in such denial of what was going on that I would try everything to convnice myself that Venum was not cheating on me. It was quite pathetic really...now that I look back and can see the truth.


2008

Fall

Home life was weird and it became worse. Venum started to treat me as if I was dirt...I do not exaggerate. It started when I walked in the bathroom and asked him a question. He had been acting strange for weeks and I wanted to understand why he was being offish to me. Even though I had every reason to believe that he was cheating, I was still very good to him in my opinion. I still cooked, cleaned and took care of the children. I went to school functions, boy scout meetings and spent time with them watching movies and such. I was a good mother and wife besides the thing with facebook and I own up to that. I am guilty of that and ti know that very fact. The only thing I can say for myself is that I was terribly lonely.

But saying this...Venum was starting to not be as kind toward me....it was little things like never spending time with me, going to bed earlier than usual, staying gone all day and never wanting to touch me or have sex. I asked him if he was still in love with me and he said that he did not know. He actually told me that he needed time to think about it and decide whether or not he loved me. I felt horrible but there was nothing that I could do but feel that way or try to feel another...but I could only love him and love Gavin...I just couldn't bring myself to hate or stop loving whom I loved.
Over time, it grew worse. Venum would pick fights with me over nothing at all. Sometimes, he would just come home angry and not speak to me at all...making really angry faces and having an attitude with me. He never wanted to touh me...he would move against the wall to keep from touching me. When I would try to get close to him while watching television, he would make some excuse as to why he didn't want me on him or close to him. He never wanted to talk to me but yet he was nice to everyone else but me. I was hurting worse than ever at this point and I spent more and more time online talking to Angel or others. I would send Gavin a message every now and then to tell him how sad I was about things...eluding to what was going on and to me. Some times, he would respond. I do not know whether it was out of pity of whether it was out of curiosity...but sometimes, Gavin was very nice to me.

He sent a friend of him to request me as their friend. It was a girl named Britney. Britney would ask me questions and I knew she was trying to figure out who I was. I played with her because it was fun and it kept my mind off my horrible love life. Sometimes, I actually enjoyed talking to Britney and then I grew bored with her. When she realized that I had grown tired of her ramblings and questions, she dug deeper. And that is when i made my mistake. I told her that I was a lady in my thirties with three kids and that I knew Gavin. I wamted Gavin to guess correctly and so I thought with this information, Gavin would surely know without knowing and if all else failed...I could deny it saying there was no proof. But, at the same time, if he liked me....then he would know and it would no longer be a secret. But I was silly and had no idea where I would go with this and knew that he would never consent to a relationship with a married woman. It was all just so absurd....but I was drowning and I didn't care too much.


Reaching a climax of horrible measures

Christmas

So, Venum was cheating with Mechelle, and it was told to me that this was not so. He was treating me worse than a stranger on the street as well and I was still doting on him and doing everything trying desperately to make him happy. Yet, I was trying desperately to gain the attention of  a young guitar player from church whom was also adored by my friend Darla who was also in my trio with her sister n law, Tracey. So what could be made of this mess?

And then it all came tumbling down...into a heap of smoldering cluttered pile of hurt and exhaustion.
Venum had left for a trip to Oregon for martial arts training. He would be gone for the whole week and he said he would go on to drill for the weekend. He said he would return on the following Monday. Even though he seemed to care very little for me, he called on one night to brag about his awards and achievments. I tried to sound very supportive and happy for him because I knew that honey attracted more than vinegar.

The rest of the time, I attended a fun party with Angel and hung out with my girlfriends a couple times. I also messaged Gavin a little because I knew what I had to do about the whole situation.
Gavin said that he knew who I was but yet, he told Britney to tell me that he knew. Britney said that Gavin knew exactly who I was. Britney said that I had blonde hair and three children and that I went to church with Gavin. There was a rumor spreading as well, that Darla was the mystery stalker girl who left Gavin messages because her middle name was Lee Ann. Recently, Gavin had been avoiding Darla and poor Darla had no idea why this was happening. So when Britney told me that the girl was blonde...I realized that he might think it was Tracey, Darla's sister n law. My guess was confirmed, when the following Sunday, Gavin avoided Tracey as if she had the plague. Tracey kept asking me and Darla what was wrong with Gavin. I just shrugged my shoulders but felt like a real douche on the inside. I realized that I had to come clean very soon or something bad was going to happen. I told Tracey what I had been doing by sending Gavin messages. She promised not to tell anyone what I had done. She attended a fun party hosted by my friend Angel and we laughed about Gavin on into the night and into the next morning. Tracey didn't go home until 3 am and Darla's brother (Tracey's husband) beat her up and accused her of being out with a man. All sorts of things were happening. So Tracey left her husband and Darla became upset and told the elders that I had invited her to a fun party in which I did...not using my brain and realizing that she was underage still. Yes, it was one of those face/palm moments.


The night that the shit really hit the fan

I was on the computer on the night in question...writing a very detailed message of why I was different than most girls. I told Gavin that he was wrong about Tracey being the girl that liked him. I told him that I was about to post a picture of the real me. I did that too, I posted a picture of myself and told him that I was sorry for what I had done by decieving him for so long. I sat at the computer after I uploaded the picture and just thought about everything that was going on. That is when I heard the knock at the door. He started yelling before I could get to the door. It was Jones.

"Sherrie....please...open the door. I know where your husband is at." he sounded desperate adn I could hear his rapid breathing. I could smell him through the door and it made me queasy. He smelled of nerous anger and something else...drugs. But he was telling the truth and I knew it.

"Where is he, Jones?" I asked and then clenched my fists.

"He is with Mechelle...right now. They are in bed together as we speak. Come on and go with me and you can see for yourself." he knocked on the door again.

I didn't know how to feel and so I grabbed the phone and went into the bathroom leaving Jones clawing at the front door.

I dialed the youth minister's number to ask him for advice. He told me to ignore Jones and that all things would come to light. He said that there was no need for me to go running off into the night chasing evil. And so I hung up the phone and went back to the door. I told Jones to go away. He told me that he was going to beat up my husband and I said that it was okay by me and I went to bed.
A couple of hours passed and Jones was knocking at my door again...frantically.

"You don't have to open the door, Sherrie. I just want you to know that I went and I flattened all his tired, broke his windows and beat him up. You will know it is true when you see him. I did that for you...so you will know the truth."

I listened and then he went away...just like that he was gone. I think I slept a little that night because I had a solo to do at church again. It was around Christmas time and I had a special song to sing.
Venum came home the next morning with his uncle. He had black eyes and a large knot on his head. Before he spoke, I told him what he had done and why he was not in his truck. He no longer denied what he had done and he said that he chose me over her. I told him that we could talk after church, that I had a song to sing.

I went into the church with a very heavy heart but i promised myself that I would sing for God. I went in and sit between Tracey and Darla...both of which were not so happy either. We clenched hands and then stood to do our song. Gavin wasn't there that day and I know why that was so, but i sang anyway.

When I returned home, I asked him again what he wanted and he said he wanted me. I felt guilty though because I had been talking to Gavin on the computer. I felt that it was unfair and so I told him what I had done as well. He knew that he had to tell the elders of the church because they knew already and it was always a matter of confessions with them. And so, Venum decided that I need to tell the church of every time that I had cheated or thought of cheating to make it fair for him. I wanted to make things work...yes, I still did, and so when the youth minister got to our home, I told him about Gavin. He was very shocked by my confession and started to fuss at me very hard. Things were a horrible horrible mess.