137

2008

Summer

While working at the hotel, I met some very colorful people and I learned more about the real world. I met construction workers, truck drivers and various other regulars. These regulars would give me tips and it would make the other shift workers angry. Once, I got accused of begging for money and was reprimanded by the boss. After all I was new there and the boss always believed the other ladies over me. I tried to work harder, clean harder and behave better in order to gain more respect but one of the other ladies just couldn't stop trying to make me look bad and so I stopped trying so hard. Many incidents occured at the hotel involving the police and things which would make you think twice about staying at hotels anymore. I would just try and keep my mind off the atrocities that occured...stabbings, deaths and the like. At one point I had to keep a young girl from killing her baby. She kept saying that she had to go kill her child and so I kept her in the lobby with me until I alerted the athorities. It turns out that she had some mental disorder. I started to take my computer to work with me so that I would have something to do behind the desk when the days were slow. The boss said that it was okay to have my computer and so I started to write during the 8 hours of my work shift. Some days, no one came in at all and I would write poems all day. I got interested in the internet more and more and started looking for writing sites..I wanted to have a place to share my writing and get feedback from other writers. I found a place called Triond and fixed up my profile with picture and basic personal information. I didn't post anything at first because I was scared to let others read my writing ...and so I browsed about reading things. I was amazed at the magnitude of how much unknown writing there was. After a month or two, I discovered the forum. The forum was a place where all the members of Triond could discuss things together. It was a message board. I had never before really engaged in a message board and so I was really nervous.

I started to sit at work and read the conversations between the writers and finally, I posted something. It was odd but I posted. No one responded but I posted and I was proud that I was courageous. After a day or two , I posted again and then finally they began to talk to me. I felt that I belonged to something different. I started to write more and post my writings in the contents page. I used my time at work to play within that other world that allowed me to be anything that I wanted. I changed my username to Spiritwalker and used this name as my forum name as well. For the first few months on Triond, I was only Spirit...ranting and raving as I wished...causing mischief and gaining friends day after day.

One day, the gossiping housekeeper saw me having too much fun on Triond, and she alerted the boss that I wasn't doing my job. He made me leave my laptop at home and so I started watching telvision during work. That just wasnt enough for me and so I started to write on paper with the intentions of posting my work when I returned home.

But during work...I thought of my new online site.. I was excited about it and it helped me deal with life.


2008

Summer

It happened one day at work...the really bad thing. I say that it is really bad because it was one of those times that time stopped again. I hated when that happened and I had no control over it or its effects. This time, I got to witness what death did after he fumbled with the fabric of time.
I was sitting at my desk and I was very bored. I was watching the wind blow through the bushes that bordered the parking lot. I saw an aluminum can rolling across the parking lot and I got irritated.
"damn people cannot even pick up after themselves." I mumbled.

But then I stopped talking. The can stopped...which cans sometimes do and it is not strange for the wind to stop blowing...no, its not. The can rolled backwards a bit and then came to a stop. Then, suddenly it raced across the parking lot and went into the bushes. I thought it odd and then scolded myself for being so tired and bored that I was looking for something to fixate on. I thought about times past when the time stopped and then I pushed it away to nonesense.

The wind stopped and the can rolled back in the other direction again. I started to creep out a little. I looked up and it happened.

The hotel sits at the back entrance to Wal Mart and many people come in and out of that intrance. The front side of the hotel sits by Hwy 30 W, a main highway that any sort of vehicle uses....including big log trucks. I looked up just in time to see a huge log truck, that was going north, ram into a small pickup truck that was turning onto the road to go in the same direction. The log truck hit the back end and side of the pickup truck forcing it down the highway...going north. There was smoke and the leaf blower in the back of the pickup went flying out and into the grass in front of the hotel. This was all in front of the big picture windown where I sat at my desk awaiting customers. I watched the accident in numbness. I just sat there and watched as this big log truck rammed into the rear of this pickup and shoved it several hundred feet down the road.

Then, when the smoke was clearing , I jumped up and ran outside. I started across the grass and Anna spoke to me.

"Please, dont go over there...dont go."

I stopped and spoke underneathe my breath. "but why...someone may need help."

Anna sounded desperate "please...dont go....you cannot handle what you will see."

So I stopped and the maintenance man came up beside me and asked me if I saw what happened. I told him that I did and then I started to cry. He told me to call the police and so I went back inside and called them. I saw Joe, the maintenance man, walk toward the pickup truck and then turn around and walk to the back of the hotel. The housekeepers milled around in the lobby and asked me questions that I just couldn't answer. I sat down and waited for the police.

I looked in the parking lot and the aluminum can was gone.



The authorites and the answers

I sat there and just watched as the police came, looked inside the pickup and walked away. Then the ambulance arrived and the emergency crew jumped out and walked toward the pickup. One after the other, they walked away and left the truck as it was. A group formed outside the ambulance and then they took a sheet and walked toward the pickup. They drapped the sheet over the side facing me and then they opened the door. I saw various people trying to approach the commotion and they would just walk away with their hands over their faces. I started to ask questions myself and then I went back outside. No one would answer my questions and so I returned to my desk. All the vehicles left one after the other leaving the sheet with its secret underneathe, lying on the pavement. I knew what was underneathe the sheet and was appalled at how long the body lay there in the middle of the street until someone came back to retrieve the prize. I worked as I could with the white lump just on the edge of my periferal vision. I cried off and on when no one was in the office but me. Finally, they came to retrieve the body...and I still didn't know who he was or what had happened to his body or why this had to happen. I just waited.

A couple days later, I found out that the man who died was an elderly gentleman in his 80s. He had been shoved into this rearview mirror and it had impaled him through the head. It was gruesome and so that is why no one came to his rescue. The sight was so bad that it was obvious that he was dead and there was no reason for anyone to come to his rescue. I still thought about two things concerning the accident. Two pictures that I would never get out of my head...the lump lying under the sheet in the middle of the road and the leaf blower flying from the back of the pickup truck. The last picture was just so trivial and silly but I cannot stop thinking about how that man thought that it was just another day, another trip to Wal Mart and mabye just a day to do some routine yard work. That day was nothing special to him...maybe not...but that day was the last day of his life. That thought haunted me and terrified me and so I thought of him for months on end and I cried for him too...and I had no idea who he really was...but I knew that any one of us on this planet could have a routine day turn into a living nightmare and then...like him, like a flashing light....we could be gone.



2008

Summer

Venum stayed at his best friends(Cody) house all the time then. Cody had recently married and I didn't really trust Cody's wife because I knew her from another time in my life. But it wasn't Cody's wife that I had to worry about, it turns out..it was Cody's wife's best friend, Mechelle. Mechelle was a blonde...as all of Venum's interests seemed to be...for the most part. She stayed at Cody's house and so did Venum. It took me a while to put two and two together and mostly, I think it was because Mechelle's 'baby's daddy' kept threatening Venum about her and coming to my house.

One night, a car drove by the house and yelled obsenities. I heard something hit the house several times and then I jumped  up to run outside. Venum told me to stay inside and he would go outside to see what was going on. I didn't listen and so I ran out on the porch as well. The car came back, pulled into our driveway and then sped off throwing rocks onto the porch and against the house. Someone yelled some obsenities from the car and drove off. I looked to Venum questioning the situation and he just shrugged. He then stopped and I will never forget what he said to me.

"Maybe you shouldn't question things like this. You might not want to know why this car is pulling up here. Sometimes being curious is not a good thing...curiosity might make things worse."

I thought the statement was weird...until now. Now I know why that happened...and other such thing began to happen as well. I was trying to raise my boys and all this drama was going on...right there on my doorstep...it was such a ridiculous thing to have to endure.


2008

Summer

Rumors started to spread of Venum cheating again. Apparently, he was seeing Mechelle. He would go to Cody's house and see her when she was over there. I tried to push the rumors from my mind but they kept surfacing. I didn't want to have sex with Venum very much either because the thought of him with her was disgusting. He didn't want to have sex with me eitehr because he was having sex with her. I didn't know things for a fact at this time, but I felt horrible at what I probably knew. I was so lonely and the thought of Gavin still gave me comfort. After all this time, every time that I went into the church and seen him play guitar, my heart would beat faster and I felt butterflies. He was so good and so handsome. I loved to watch him practice rock songs before church. I loved to look at his beard and his long brown hair. And when he greeted me and his eyes met mine, I was mezmerized. I just couldn't help it, I wanted to be in Gavin's arms. Every hug that he gave me, gave me comfort and I had strength to go home on and deal with things. It was true, the thought of Gavin helped me make it through the week until the next church service. And that is when I really fucked up.



The bad thing at Angel's house

I started spending more time with Angel because my heart was hurting so bad and I needed someone to talk to. She was there for me as she always was and so I confided everything to her. Angel's husband started to chat with us and he became angry at Venum for the things he was doing. Even though they had an open marriage, they never seen people behind each other's backs. To them, there were no secrets and I really loved that about them. I saw them  sitting and working on the computer and noticed they were talking on some social site. I asked them what the site was and they told me.
This is when I discovered Facebook for the first time.

The thought hit me soon after I learned of Facebook. I wanted to see Gavin...wanted to see if he had a facebook page. I tried to get on facebook to look at Gavin's page but I realized that I had to register and make a page of my own. I asked Angel to help me and so she did. I made a page and put up a fake picture as my profile pic. I was too scared to put up a real picture and so that would suffice. I made a name for myself with the help of Anna and Spirit. Spirit wanted to be the star of the page but I told her no, that she would not be able to contain herself. So I used part of Anna's name. Lee Ann was the first name... Lee was my middle name and Ann was for Anna. I searched my mind for the last name then I saw what I must do. I thought of Mechelle and her baby's daddy and so I took her baby's daddy's last name...Jones. I became Lee Ann Jones and I had a cartoon picture of a lady with a butterfly perched on her hand. I then made a friend request of GAvin and waited. A couple days later, he accepted the friend request. It was a couple days more before I decide to send him a message. My mind was just spinning with everything and I felt as though I might collapse soon. Angel helped to keep me grounded in my sin....while loving me with her innocence.