89

1997

Winter

I started looking for a job on the new year. It was not an easy task but I finally found something that I could handle. I registered with a Temporary service called Manpower. With this service, I acquired my first real job since Bio Clinic. I started on 3rd shift at Hunter Douglass constructing small metal parts for window blinds. It was not the easiest job by far and I had to keep my fingers wrapped with this odd tape just to keep from cutting myself on the metal parts. Working 3rd shift was odd for me because it had been a long time since I had done this and it was odd taking care of Damian in the morning when all I wanted to do is sleep. We did not get a baby sitter because we figured we could take care of Damian on our own and we did the best we could. I met several women at this job, most of which were not all that nice. But one of the girls became a good friend to me and before long, she was wanting to get together to do things with my husband and hers. The girl's name was Marcy and sometimes, even now...in this future time, I really miss Marcy.

The job didn't last long as temp jobs are prone to do. I kept in contact with Marcy and we all hung out together when we could. When Damian would need me, I would leave the others to having fun and take care of him. I hated the way that I thought then...I would think about what a burden my child was on me...but I would do the things I needed to do anyway. But, there....deep down within, I felt this resentment growing because whenever we had friends, I was always the one who had to hang back and take care of my child while Venum had fun and passed out.


1997

I went from job to job looking for something that was going to last. We needed a steady income for our family and Venum insisted that I work as well to help out.

I acquired a job at Piper Impact (this factory has changed its name on many occasions and it is where I am working now.) But lets just take it one step at a time. I got a job at Piper as a Print reworker or something of that matter. I worked with Jimmy C in Tool and Die reworking the prints for the various tools. I would take the prints upstairs to an empty office and work on them by pulling the original prints to compare by. Then I would file away the originals and take the reworked prints back to Jimmy. I loved working there and would dress up really nice trying to look like a professional.
While I worked the temp job at Piper, we had found a nice lady to take care of Damian. Her name was Ms. Duke and she resided back in Tupelo. We would leave early in the morning, drop Damian off at the daycare and then travel to New Albany to go to work. Piper was right beside Masterbuilt so Venum would come to see me at lunch on many occasions. When work was over, we would travel back to Tupelo, pick up Damian and to home...back to Burlesons.

 At the same time that I was delving back into the employment world; Venum and I were also in the process of finding a house. We wanted to have a more permanent residence. Venum would complain constantly about how we were just giving people money for no reason. He said that as long as we were paying rent, we were just throwing away money. And so we started a very long process of looking for a permanent home. We would travel all over the Union County, Marshall County and Benton County, looking for a home. At Venum's request, we looked for something closer to Memphis. It seemed that he wanted to be closer to the bigger cities. With the help of our real estate agent, we got to travel and look at several homes. One home, in lamar Ms, was just perect for us and I would call about the home while I was at work. I remember getting into trouble on many occasions for making personal calls. We lost that house and we were both down; but we continued to look for something...anything that would get us out of the rental trap.

The job at Piper did not last long though and I had to find something else through Manpower. The company sent me to Oil dry where I had to wear hard hat, safety glasses, an apron, face mask and ear plugs. I felt as if I wasn't even in the same world. The plant was dark, dirty and hot and I was only one of three girls in the entire facility. We took Damian out of  Ms. Duke's daycare and let Venum's stepmother keep him while I was at Oil Dry. I would get off work at 3 and go to Venum's step mother's house and there I would nurse Damian. It was very hard working and nursing a child. My breasts would always swell badly and leak out milk while I worked. I had to wear three layers of padding to keep from soaking my shirts. The job was dirty too and I had to make sure that I kept my breasts clean so that I would pump out milk on my lunch breaks. I did this too...I would take a sandwiche into the bathroom stall and use a hand held breast pump to relieve my swollen breasts. I would pack the bottles of milk into a insulated bag and then go back to work. One of the men at Oil dry kept asking me why I was going into the bathroom at lunch with a black bag. He asked me over and over until I told him the truth about what I was doing. He thought that breast feeding was sexy for some reason and then he asked me for my phone number. I just rolled my eyes at him and went back to work.

From Oil dry, I went to Piper Centex which was the company which was buying Piper. They had built a new plant on Sam T. Barkly Ave., just east of the old factory. Manpower sent me to clean the new facility before they opened up their doors for business. I mopped floors, cleaned windows and even toilets. It was a job...that is all I can say. Many times Venum woudl pick me up from work and he started to be really late again. One day he was several hours late and I was calling every where to find him. When he finally got to the job site, he told me that he had left work early and started drinking. He said he got drunk and fell asleep. I was very angry because I knew his step mother was more than ready for us to pick up Damian.

I will never forget how Venum's step mother insisted that our baby was racist. I assumed that she thought we had taught him to be racist. It was ridiculous in my opinion, that a baby could be racist. His step mother said that when her father, whom was a very dark man, would enter the room; Damian would start screaming. She insisted that he screamed because her father was black. she was insinuating that I had taught my son to be racist. I really didn't have much to say to her because the whole idea was beyond stupid.

I decided to put Damian in a real daycare in New Albany. I continued to work at Oil Dry and then to pick up Damian and then his father. We would travel to Tupelo and I would make dinner for us all. By then, it was time to go to bed and get ready to do the whole thing over again. Life wasn't easy for us but we were keeping busy and it helped keep us our of trouble. We kept looking for the perfect home while we worked our asses off. I tried to be a good mother and I guess at that time and period, I did pretty well. I would read my bible and try to be what I should be. Sometimes, Venum would get curious about what I was reading and he would ask me what was going on. I would start to tell him about the stories I was reading in the bible and then we would get mad. He would always say that he didnt want to hear all that, he just wanted a simple answer. He would leave the room and get angry because I would have read too much from the bible to him. Venum remained an atheist by choice. Sometimes I wonder if he didn't believe in God or that he just hated him for some of the things that he felt God did to him.

Venum told me a story once when we were living back at Chez place. He said that when he was 15, he had a girlfriend with long red hair. He talked about how beautiful she was and that no one would ever take her place. He told me that they would talk all the time and hang out together and that her father hated him. Her name was Alicia. He said that one day while he was working underage at the liquir store in Detroit Michigan, he got some really bad news. While he was watching television, a picture of his girlfriend flashed on the screen and the report said that she had been killed in an accident. He told me that he remembers that she was going somewhere and he didnt want to go with her. It had been a while since she had called but he didnt think anythign of it. He would tell me these details with tears in his and he would tell me how her long red hair had gotten caught somehow in the vehicle and it had drug her down the street killing her. He would also tell me how he hated the Pistons because it was a crazed fan who had commited the hit and run. Venum kept a long strand of Alicia's hair for years. I would go into the box when he wasn't looking and I would touch her hair. I was just so curious and so saddened by all of it. So I could understand his anger for that and for many other things that he told me.

I would not read anything else to him again in such detail. I would stay back, timid and wait for him to ask the questions. I knew his anger well enough and I knew how strong it could be when you still hurt.