86

1996

On my last appointment to the doctor's office, I had a sonogram done to check on Damian. It was normal procedure considering it was getting very close to his birth. Everything looked fine and both Venum and I were excited. On the way back home, someone, who was simply not watching what he was doing, ran us off the road. Right before the incident happened, I remember feeling disassociated from reality. There is never an easy way to explain this other than to say that I could feel myself floating upwards, I could feel a sense of watching a scene from somewhere else and extracting myself from that scene. I knew what to expect and so I kept my head forward and starred at the road before me. I did not want to see things in life going backwards because If I did then I would know that everything that had happened in the past was indeed true. I only swerved away from the other driver when I saw that he was continuing to come closer to me. I ran off the road stopping just short of a stop sign. I remember crying hysterically not just becuase i was scared for myself but because I was scared for Damian. I remember how angry Venum was and I remember how he got out of the car and approached the driver. I didn't hear what he was saying but I saw the anger on Venum's face. I just wanted to sit there and collect myself, wiping any indication of what I felt from my mind before Venum returned....because Venum never really took supernatural things to be serious. I just stacked this incident inside my little library of things that shouldn't be.


Fall

1996

I cleansed the house today and not by cleaning. I purchased a small bundle of white sage and did my prayers as I smudged the four corners of the apartment. I wanted to rid the place of all negative spirits before Damian arrived. I know that the church would not approve of my conduct but I did not care. These little spells and charges, cleansings and conjures were just part of my ancestry. Being part Irish and part Native American...there were so many practices that I could not ignore which revolved around my love of natural spirituality. I knew that true spirituality didn't really involve the church. I got out my Abolone Shell and filled it with Lavender to help calm me and the baby. I put mandrake root at all entrances to the home for protection from evil visitors. I was nesting in more ways than a few. After cleansing the home, I proceeded to wash the walls of the apartment. It was almost time..I could feel Damian's body dropping down into my lower abdomen which is a signal that it would only be a matter of weeks before he would be here. That night, the moon was so big and bright. I sat outside on the back steps and watched it sitting there among the stars. I could feel something pushing me but it wasn't Damian. The hairs on my arm began to rise and the soles of my feet tingled. In my throat a giggle erupted but I struggled to hold it down...to drown it. I stood without warning and looked back up at the moon. The light of the lunar body intrigued me and pulled at me. My face tingled then and my gums began to hurt. I walked out onto the grass of the backyard and as my feet touched the grass, the tingled traveled upwards and exploded across my pubic area and up past my clitoris. I felt amazing and very excited. I don't remember exactly what happened and I do not know where Venum was but I remember taking two frozen hot dogs from the freezer and using them to pleasure myself. Then I fell asleep...I fell asleep knowing that the thing...the giddy, silly, mischevious thing was trying with all her might...to reclaim what she felt was hers.


Fall

1996

I started to hurt one day when Venum was at work. I felt a contracting dull pain radiating in my abdomen and so I called the doctor's office. The doctor said that I should wait a while to make sure that the contractions were real. I waited for several hours enduring the pain but it never went away. I called the doctor again and he told me to go to the Women's Hospital. When I got to the hospital, the examiner told me that I was having fake contractions called Braxton hicks contractions and that it was caused by my addiction to cola products. I was told that I couldn't drink sodas anymore until after the baby was born. That was the first time that I had a catherization done and it hurt so very badly. I have never had a small tube inserted into my urethra and it burned as if fire was being inserted into my body. The doctor also alerted me to the fact that I had a kidney infection from the drinking of too many colas. I went home dissapointed because I was ready for Damian to be born and this was just false hope for me.


1996

One night while Venum and I was sleeping, Damian wanted to stay up and play around in my womb. I felt him kicking and wiggling like he was fighting something in there. I lay in bed and giggled at Damian's fun. After a while I rolled over and wrapped my arms around Venum's back. All of a sudden Damian kicked in the womb and then Venum woke up. My husband turned to me and asked me why I was beating him in the back. I just laughed at the fact that Damian was kicking so hard that not only did i feel it, but his father could feel it as well....fight through my flesh and onto his father's back. This kid was going to be special and he certainly demanded attention. My dreams were sweet that night...I remember this to be so. In the morning as all mornings before, I awoke to the rattling of Venum's Western Diamond back. There were few days that I didn't enter that pet room and Firecracker not strike the plexi glass of his cage. I would gaze in curiosity at the venom that dripped down the glass.


1996

Fall

All hallows eve came quickly and I had all the candy put out in the bowls for the little trick or treaters. I was even wearing a long black dress for the occasion. I was huge, to say the least and the baby was due in 8 days. I was very excited but I was also excited to enjoy the Halloween holiday before Damian came. I put out the candy around 2 or so and started talking to Christie. Venum was working at Masterbuilt in New Albany which was a half hour away and he had our only vehicle, his Toyota. I had long since lost my car to another motor problem and I, being a blithering idiot had just neglected the car at a shop in Tupelo and later on, the owner felt the need to sell it for himself. But that was just a story that failed to get told...in spite of its seeming importance.

 Christie had been here for a while and she didn't plan on leaving until sometime after the baby was born. Her job here was to help me so that her brother could take care of his own "business" which I assume she knew to be the sale of drugs. Christie had cooked a huge meal for us on Halloween and us two girls had settled down to watch some television for the night. We didn't say much to each other because there was always an undercurrent of animosity between us. So the sitcoms on televison kept us occupied and helped us to pretend that we wanted to be sociable.

And then something strange happened. I started to feel as if I need to use the bathroom badly...not to pee mind you, but to really and certainly use the bathroom in the most heavy duty way. I felt the pressure on my lower abdomen making me very uncomfortable and so I told Christie that I had to go to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and tried my hardest to do what I had to do...it was horrible. Despite the pressure....nothing happened and so I thought I should help and coax my business to be underway. I pushed and held onto the wall with one hand. (By the way, thanks for allowing me to give TMI here, and yes it is necessary for the story.) Suddenly something popped down below and I thought this was strange. Then a copias amont of fluid came gushing out from one orifice in my nether regions. I realized that the fluid had come from my vagina. I was sweating by then and so I got up to see what was happening. When I looked in the toilet there was a horrible amount of blood and so I panicked. I ran to the living room and told Christie what had happened. She stood up and looked at me crazy then she spoke.

"Sherrie, Your water just broke. I am sure of it." With this statement, she jumped on the phone and started to call her family.

I complained and told her that she needed to let me call the doctor and see what I should do. Christie told me that I should call an ambulance right away. I just called the doctor and she told me that I should just calm down because the baby was probably not coming any time soon. She said to go take a shower and clean myself up and just wait for other signs of birth. And so I did this.