73

Things never really changed or diverted from the routine we had developed. Tricky and Venum did not stay enemies for long, in fact, some times it seemed like his sister would fight as much as Tricky did. I started to notice strange discussions that the guys had when I was with them. I noticed how when we went to someone's house, sometimes I had to hide in the back seat....because I was white. Apparently, the guys who sold drugs would think I was a narc. These days were routine days for me. I have cluttered memories of weed baggies, scales and rolling papers. I also have many memories of whiskey bottles in paper bags and the sound of R&B music. Christie took over lots of times and drove my car while I would hide in the back. There was a distant anger, I feared, which grew and grew inside me. I hated a part of her so much that at times I wanted to shove her out of my car...while it was moving. Honestly, I wanted to shove them all out and let them find theif way back...but I wouldn't let that thing take over when we rode because I knew and felt its anger growing rapidly and I was just trying to keep it down. I had no idea how long I could subdue this.

Winter

1994

The hot water stopped working in my apartment and I called the landlord to fix the issue. He did not come to help me and so I had to take baths and showers with cold water or water in which we boiled on the stove. I called day after day to get the landlord to fix the hot water heater but he still didn't come. After a couple weeks, I got the flu and missed a couple days of work. ONe day, I asked Venum to go get the mail for me and the landlord was standing in the parking lot. As Venum reached into my mail box, the landlord went up to him and asked him "why the hell was he in my mailbox?" Venum told him that I was sick and that I had been calling him to come fix the water. That is when the landlord told us that we had to move. He said he had been watching the place and that he knew Venum lived with me. I was the only one who was supposed to be living there, according to him.
Venum told me what the landlord said and so I started to try and figure out what to do. I was already late on the rent and it had to be paid before we left.

The rent, past due

1994

The rent was late and I had no money. Venum said he had no money either but he knew how to get some. I asked him how we were supposed to come up with the cash and he said he would sell drugs. I thought he meant weed but he corrected me and let me know that we had to sell Crack or Cocaine to come up with the amount that we needed. He then told me that Tricky had sold it before and he would ask him if there was anywhere that we could get some and then re-sell it. I went along with it reluctantly because we had to have it but I hated the idea.
The next day we set out to either borrow money from his relatives or sell drugs...whichever we accomplished first. We traveled from Booneville on up to Corinth, stopping at his aunts and cousin's houses asking for money. We were turned down quickly and so we moved on. We traveled to New Albany and begged Venum's father and step mother for some money but they talked to us for hours only to say...."no." AFter that we went to Tupelo to look for drugs and ended up going all the way to Amory and along several backroads until we got back to Tupelo. To be honest, I do not remember where we got the crack rocks but I remember finally going home with drugs to sell. We were going to go home and sleep and then go sell the drugs to pay the rent. I remember watching Venum hiding the rocks underneath something on a table by the bed. I remember something else as well.
I remember waking up and seeing Venum tearing the room apart "looking" for something. He was wide eyed and very hyper...as if he was freaking out. I remember him turning to me as I was waking and saying...
"I have lost them...I lost the stuff!"
I asked him what he was talking about as I checked where he had hid the rocks. They were gone. I looked at him and I knew immediately within my heart that he had smoked the rocks himself. I was furious with him but no matter how many times I asked him if he smoked them, he denied it.
I had only one choice left to pay my rent. I would have to contact my aunt and ask her for the money. I went to the car, cranked it and headed out to the nearest payphone to call my aunt and do what I didnt want to do...ask for help.