68

And so it was, I decided to let her stay...stay within me. She was part of me, after all. And I was still young and not really of the understanding of this condition. As a teen in Mtown, I was diagnosed with Manic Depression; which to me, was just another version of depression. I really had no idea of what I was dealing with. This part of me was simply a part of my complicated disorder. I was entering adulthood with more than most had inside and I willfully carried it.
I decided to break up with Marvin. There was just nothing left of the covoluted relationship that we had developed. It was going to be tonight, the night of August 20th of the year of 1994. I left work and went by my apartment to pick him up. Of course, Marvin had been staying at my half empty apartment while I was working and as usual, I would drop by and pick him up to carry him home. We didn't talk much on the way to his apartment adm so I worked up the courage for what I had to tell him. When we pulled into his empty parking space, I readied myself for the ordeal.
I don't know how normal it is to be upset when you are the one who breaks up with another. By the end of my lengthy explanation of how things were just not working out, Marvin was the one who was comforting me. I cried because I didn't want to hurt him by my words and deeds. I didn't want to leave with such responsibility on my shoulders but I didn't want to pretend that there was any connection between us.
I left Marvin's feeling like a horrible person but still feeling strangely content in my decision.

August 25 1994

I finally moved completely into my apartment and only went to my parent's house on the weekends. I was dating Venum and spending lots of time staying drunk or stoned. One night we invited two female friends over to my apartment to hang out and smoke weed. I still remember them clearly, Denise and Carla.
As the night grew long and we all grew quite drunk and high, that giddy thing in me came out to play. Venum noticed the change in me immediately and smiled at the uninhibited emotions erupting from my body. We both started to  talk freely of my interests in the Vampire Chronicles. Venum insisted that he was a vampire himself, probably to impress the other girls. I watched him with curiosity and realised that he did not really know that much about me. I reached to the ashtray and retrieved a razor blade that he had been using to cut open cigars and roll blunts. I looked at Venum and smiled handing him the razor blade. He paused mid humorous tirade and starred at me. I smiled wider and gestured toward the blade. I felt the words bubble up in my throat and play on the tip of my tongue. Then I spoke.
"I am hungry." I widened my eyes and giggled.
Venum took the blade and looked back at me. I do not know how much reservation he had but he held my stare...then he moved the blade toward the underbelly of his arm. I watched patiently. Then in one quick motion Venum slashed at his forearm, opening a small gash. The girls gasped and held each other. I rocked back and forth on my ass, laughing hard. I found the scene hilarious and fullfilling. Venum looked back up at me and smiled then took a small wine glass and filled it with his own blood.
After he had drained his wound, he handed me the glass and spoke.
" There you are, drink up."
I paused and glanced quickly at the girls then I drank Venum's blood. It was thick and coppery with a hint of sweetness.
Spirit writhed with pleasure and moaned. I licked his blood from my lips and  began to take off my clothes. Within moments, I was naked and letting the other girls look at my body. I showed them every part of me and lay naked enjoying everyone's company. It was not sexual, it was not silly. This night was a fullfillment of my immortal soul....her immortal soul. That silly little being giggled throughout the night and drained both bottle and glass in hopes of growing stronger
and that thing did grow stronger...feasting upon those who wished to see her.

The end of August

Attending college,working and having my own place was very difficult. I found myself relying more and more on the part of me that was controversial. I worked, stayed out all night and then barely attended school. I felt my responsible part slipping terribly but she wanted to manifest. Even during class, she would giggle and make fun of the professors. I caught myself talking to myself on many occasions and getting strange looks from the other students.
Venum moved in with me around this time as well because he didn't like living with his grandmother. I thought it would be a great arrangment seeing as he could help me with my rent. I helped him move his things in with me and was surpised at how quickly the move progressed. Apparently, he had left Detroit the year before with nothing but a couple shirts and jeans and two pair of shoes. He, it seemed...lived for the moment. While he got along quite well with the giddy, silly part of me...my normalacy was a different story.
When I wanted to stay in and be calm, we started to butt heads.